Overcoming Masturbation

by Once4all316 on July 1, 2009

Masturbation. This is the thing that many people do but don’t really talk about, especially women. It’s looked on as not ladylike and not pure. It’s a shameful thing for many women and men alike. I struggled with masturbation for many years but this wasn’t the only sexually immoral thing that I was enslaved to. I started masturbating as early as 7th or 8th grade, but overall my imprisonment to lust started as early as 4 or 5 years of age. When I was a little girl, I had a friend that I played with. Something must have happened to her because it was from playing with her that I had my first sexual experience. After this one time experience, I wasn’t the same , and I developed homosexual tendencies as well. The seed of lust was planted and grew to maturity in my heart. I went from “humping” the floors, to sexually stimulate myself, to full on masturbation, which became my most shameful secret. The frequency to which I masturbated and the degree to which I did it was so bad that I actually ended up tearing the tissue on my clitoris. This sent me into depression for months because I thought I had mutilated myself. I had contemplated suicide because of it but I still didn’t stop. The real battle began for me when I desired freedom.
In the summer of 2005, while on a mission project, God began to work in my life. When I was there, I met a woman named Kate, who shared her testimony of being delivered from masturbation. This was huge news for me because, until that point, I had believed that I was the only one in the world who did it. Somehow I bought into the lie that I’d never be free and that if I ever told anybody what I’d been doing nobody would love me or at least they wouldn’t look at me the same way. I had a lot to confess. You see I was enslaved not only to masturbation but to pornography, sexual fantasies, and a lot of other things I wanted to keep on the dark.
During the days that followed, God was pressing me to bring it to the light, to confess it. Fear was also there with me. You see, I was afraid to expose myself. This fear wrapped around me like a boa constrictor in order to keep my mouth shut. I was so shamed and afraid of being condemned that I’d be scared to write my struggle with masturbation in my journal because I feared someone would find it. I was in torment. I heard a message that talked about keeping things in the dark. That was the word I needed and I had courage to tell somebody. The first person I told was Kate. Next, I told my roommate and few other girls at the project. I later confessed it my own sister, but this confession was only half the battle.
Then I tried to break free, I found that those same desires tracked me down like a Mississippi Slave catcher. I had never had so much temptation to sin by masturbating in my whole life. I kept giving in and giving in. It was hard to last one day, much less two, without doing it. This lasted from June 2005 to September 2005. Until for 2 and half months, I managed to stop. Temptations were strong. There were times I’d have to run out of my dorm room or find a public place to be in because I couldn’t be alone when I was tempted. This was huge for me because I was used to falling to this sin daily. However, I backslide due to unforgiveness. Sin had a snow ball effect in my life after that because an old habit had revived. Old habits revived because old reasons why I masturbated revived too. I’d masturbate like people eat comfort food. I’d do it because I was bored or upset. It was like how an alcoholic drink is to a drunk— I’d do it to forget.
When I fell after a time of victory, I was constantly taunted with: “See you’ll never be free. You’re always going to be like this.” This sin would seduce me to lay with it then condemn me when I did. I’d struggle trying to go to God. I felt so dirty and so full of despair after I gave in to my own sinful lust, that I’d pull the cover over myself to hide. I didn’t want God to look at my filth. I hated it. It was like an abusive relationship that I couldn’t get out of and didn’t know how. I was losing hope. This lasted from late December 2005 to May 2006.
After this, I run into a ministry that talked about being free from sin. The victory for me came one day as fear was telling me “you may have stopped for now. But you will fall” But God helped me realize something that I hadn’t before when He told me “You never have to do it again.” I never knew I was free from sin. That I actually had a choice. Therefore, I never had to do it anymore. The reason why I have that choice is because of Christ who has made me free from sin. I didn’t have to perform every whim of my own sinful desires. Now I’ve been free for three years. I’m free to talk about it. I thought I’d go to my grave with this sin.

If you’re dealing with this, you need to confess it to God, confess everything. God is so serious about this sin. He said “if your eye—even your good eye —causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. “(Matthew 5:29) and in Job 31:11 it says” For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. The heart of lust is so wicked. In Romans 3, it says that people didn’t want to honor God as God. One of the first sins it lists after that is sexual sin. It’s a form of self worship. Its may sound crazy but think about this, why do we watch people sin sexually or even ourselves sin sexually? I’d get that hot and heavy feeling from just watching myself masturbate, from sexually admiring some other part of my body, or from watching porn. . In my heart was rebelling against God because I really wanted to be God, you know, do what felt right to me. That’s the heart of this sin. Please don’t take this lightly. Self worshippers and sexually immoral will end up in Hell. But those that agree with God, who confess and forsake it, will have mercy. Please if you have any question or need help contact me at dameco@p4cm.com. Or www.myspace.com/john1140. A great website to help you mature in Christ is p4cm.com as its helped me greatly to learn about Christ and new life in him.

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  5. My Road to Damascus

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Naquan July 1, 2009 at 10:31 am

I praise God for you sharing this testimony. Words can’t describe how many people need to hear this as I’m sure many are fighting against theses sin as well. It makes me happy to know that Jesus cares so much that He delivered you from the very sins you thought would walk with you to the grave. I pray that people around the world are blessed by this testimony in Jesus name. I thank God for you sharing this story and I pray that God blesses your ministry.

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Crystal Reply:

I want to thank you for sharing your confession with all of us. We all struggle with things in our lives and Satan tries to keep us slaves to these things………..but we can free ourselves through the love and mercy of Jesus Christ……..like the saying goes…not one of us has a right to cast a stone at another.
Love and blessings to you my friend and GOD bless!!!!!!!!

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peter dusabe Reply:

hey am still struggling with the sin of masutrbation..kindly get in touch with me through my email and facebook as well.i need someone to confide in.thank you

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gingyrose September 10, 2010 at 2:56 am

I was so blessed with your testimony, I’m sure lots of people will be delivered through this kind of situation God has a great purpose for everyone! God bless You more..

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janno Reply:

thanks for the testimony…i am blessed.yes we can overcome lustful trials..
through God and God alone..praise god.

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Mike October 18, 2010 at 5:54 pm

Thank you for sharing. This has been a struggle in my life for a very long time. I prayed about it today, asked God for his help and his guidance to deliver me from this sin, and immediately after my prayer he lead me to this website, and specifically to your testimony. So thank you!

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Jpnlvr08 January 1, 2011 at 12:54 pm

I just wanted to say thank you for your bravery. I’m personally going throuh the same struggle and leaning on God to bring me out of this addiction, I know his grace is sufficient and He has never left even when I thought He wouldn’t even want toook upon me and the deep pit of sin I was living in, your testimony brings me hope and I pray that this new year will bethe year that I am free from being a slave of sin,lust, my flesh. Thank you so much, I just pray He gives me the same strength and courage that’s He’s given you to tell someone.

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luv2blov April 27, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I am greatful to hear your testimony, thank you for sharing it because I know that it will do good to me and those as well.

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Lea June 18, 2011 at 6:44 am

Yeah … I recognize a lot of the feelings you talked about … about feeling like you could never get up after you’d fallen. About feeling like you were the only girl in the universe with this problem until you heard someone else tell you they’d had the same problem. I admit it, I cried when I read your testimony. This school year has been a struggle for me, but I managed to break free by being completely clean in April. I’ve messed up twice since then, but I’m just so happy to be free :)

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Salvador Santoyo Reply:

Well, I’m a guy who struggles wit it, but praise God I knw I aint alone

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MadamLove September 14, 2011 at 4:46 pm

I am going through the same issue now. Its scary because when you mess up its like you can feel your very soul crumble. Not just my soul…but the souls that are linked to me that I am responsible for :-( . To start all over again…day after day…seems like an illusion. Seems like its pointless effort because you feel like youre not gonna live the rest of your life without that sin. There’s no way. how? Through Christ all things are possible. And the Word of God is true and everything else a lie. So I thank God for his strength and for just the holyspirit giving me the feeling of conviction that leads me back to His feet for repentance. I was wondering what scriptures could I read to help me always see that I love God more even when the sin seems so great. Any suggestions? Today is day zero for me. I slipped again after almost 4 weeks cebaticle:-(. It really hurts. I cant even sit in my class. I have given my testimoney and have even confessed to my sister as well. She is helping me through this. So now I am just claiming my victory, praising God for it, and believing that one day…I will lose count :-)

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MadamLove September 14, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Thanks again

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Janay September 22, 2011 at 12:05 am

Thank you so much for your testimony! I related to almost everything you said; the sexualization at an early age, the homosexual tendecies, being saved but not delivered. The bible says to confess our sins one to another that we may be healed; I have experienced a small dose of healing knowing that sobriety isn’t impossible. Tomorrow I am going to tell someone and bring my dark secret to light.

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Salvador Santoyo September 26, 2011 at 12:09 pm

I was readin your article & I pertty glad 2 knw dat I’m not alone, cuz I 2 felt I was da only 1 who keeps struggling with masturbation! I pray dat the Lord will continue 2 use your article 2 help others lyke myself 2 knw in Jesus we are free & can be set free

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anna September 27, 2011 at 2:32 am

Thank you for sharing. I was so surprised and in awe. I felt i was reading my life. I too struggled with sexual sin and also from such an early age.. I too have had these thoughts since 4-5 years old.. I was molested at 8 which only made things worse.. I now know i was confused,, i too dry humped my young years, then experimented even more, i too got into deep masturbation. i too felt i couldnt say no to the tempation, it was almost a sick lust.. yet as soon as it was over .. i felt shame.,, dirty.. whorehish. i too thought it was my shameful secret. but i knew better .. i knew deep down what i thought I did in secret… i was lying to myself.. The bible says nothing is hidden from the eyes of the lord..I tried to stop myself many times. but it woudl only last a few days.maybe now and then a few weeks., but i could never free myself.. However, it is when I gave my life to GOD. the lord Jesus saved me and delivered me.. It is when they laid the hands of prayer over me and asked that I be delievered from the spirit of sexual sin. it is when this occurred. That i was saved.. I was saved.. Hallehuah.. I give all the glory to god.. So to all you women . young girls. dont believe that you cant be set free.. With God all things are possible.. Nothing is impossible with the lord.,,.

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whatkind? October 8, 2011 at 9:59 am

I am a guy n i am struggling with this sin ryt nw. Been clean for about or over a month now, but today i managed to make myself cum to an orgasm without even touching my genital. i dnt feel dirty for that because thats not masturbating (or is it?) but i do feel bad for the fact that i ran to what knew wud cause it, n when i saw dat i had come a bit i was burning much i wanted to have a real go at it but did not thanks to God. It was really difficult turning away from that temptation today. Actually, i feel aweful dat i came dat close. I am so weak and dont know what to do, plz pray for me and other people like me. Masturbation, destroys lives. It caused me to break up with my gf of 11 months because of the depressive, confusing state it puts u in. I hate hat hate it but i cant stay away. I wish somebody could help me. What makes it worse is that i am easily aroused. Im a sexual addict and i really eagerly and earnestly yearns to be free frm this destructive habit, to be free from its chains. Plz help.
Swarts.beaudheen@gmail.com

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nathan October 23, 2011 at 2:53 am

…extremely I’m facing that kind of addiction!! But little by little Im doing my very best to prove that everything changes… I quit almost!!!

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priscilla October 25, 2011 at 8:48 am

Hi. I’m Priscilla. 15 from the Philippines. And here is my story.

I started to watch porn when I was 13. My guy best friend gave me a link and suggested to watch it. As I was watching it I was “yucccccccckk, ewwww.” But months passed I caught myself addicted to it. When I was 14, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and promised to myself that will never do that again. I felt His fire is burning within me. I had this feeling that I can’t really describe what it is. But after a week I slipped. I was watching porn when I became curious what is the feeling when you masturbate so I tried it and got addicted to it. But a month later I felt sick about it. Like after I did it I felt the guilt and shame inside me. Last May, I attend this Ignite 2011 it was a youth conference by LifeBox and Victory there I felt the presence of the Lord and accepted Him again. But when I was going home Satan again deceived me I was riding this fx when i didn’t return the excess change. When I was in our house, I felt very guilty with that and then Satan said to me that I was so unworthy of God and many more, so after that 3 day youth conference I started doing that sinful act again. Last July or August I had a chance to open up this problem with my friends in school and they prayed for me. But still I didn’t change I still did it. I was able to get some advises in tumblr but I can only stop doing it for a week or two. Last September I finally told it to my Mom and she also prayed for my and I promised also that will not do it again. But guess what I still do it until now. I want to be free from this thing because this coming nov. 12 I will be baptized. I believe there is still Hope. Please do help me with this thing. I want to be a full follower of Christ. Thank you, I hope you would respond to this, it it very important to me, :)

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Daniel October 31, 2011 at 1:06 pm

I too messed my life and allowing lust to come into my life.. indeed it is true that i may stop for a while but i will fail again, as there is no way we can run away from sin but we got the chioce now as Christ have die for us in the cross and because He has die for us we have the choice not to maturbate again.. thank you so much for your sharing and whatever you have go through it is exactly what I have go through, I thank God and praise Him to allow me to read this testimony of your..

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AMANI November 5, 2011 at 1:23 am

Dear in Christ,
My Name in(Male) Amani Peter, County-Tanzania- Eastern Africa.
Glorry be to God, I am so glad for your testimony that make me aware. I have have been really commiting such acrime but I feel very bad same as you did plese pray for me, I am so happy after i read your testimony. I hadly prayiny so as to be out of this disaster.
I am bon again 6 years ago i have never slept with a woman but only Musterbations that make feel God Glorry and love go away from me as well as his HOLLY SPIRIT.
Your testimony make me feel Im back again in the God Glory.

May Gog Bless You, if you have more advice please carry on even I have decided I will not musterbate any more. AMEN

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BeautifulDiamond November 10, 2011 at 7:53 pm

I cried and found this… wow, it feels like I wrote that.. truly I hate even bringing up the word and prayer… but I have struggled and I keep messing up.. I learn the first thing that always draws me in is when I look up something sexual, then I use to try to justify my actions through being a virgin, now I truly know its wrong. When you said lay down with temptation and come up condemned, you have written down everything I felt. God wanted me to see this, I cried my eyes and wondered will I ever shake this thing… but you are proof because you described everything I’m going through. =D Thank you so much, you don’t know how much you’ve helped people with this.

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Patrick January 10, 2012 at 9:02 am

I am impressed with the testimony of all the brave people who shared their experiences to help others and for the glory of God. I would like to share a few lines from my heart too.

When I was young I read I have read that masturbation is a sin and can affect your life and sexual potency. I never understood how it can ever affect sexual potency. Some of the articles pointed out that it is good and helps with premature ejaculation in men. I can tell you how harmful masturbation is from my own experience. Its a slow deadly habit that can kill your sexuality. Once you are used to masturbation, it creates an environment with the person of your fantasy, and whenever you feel the need. It can rip apart a normal marriage. In real life , we live with one partner and with time we get used to the same person, sex becomes less interesting and people who are used to masturbation find their own fantasy world more satisfying than regular love making. This can slowly kill your normal sex life with your partner. I became a selfish person concerned about only my sexuality and not my partners. I wish I knew this years back I would have been careful. I can understand the meaning of what I heard years ago about how masturbation can kill your normal sexual potency. So my friends be careful and may God help us.

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sir micha January 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

thanks for the testimony..am really blessed

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Stef February 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Hi there,
We honor our Saviour when we come forward and speak of His great power manifested in our lives, His never ending mercy poured upon our souls and His unconditional love that will be soon shed in our hearts by the Holy Ghost. Thank you for testifying. In sharing your struggle and how Yehovah Yeshuah Mashiach (the Lord Jesus Christ) helped you overcome it, you have given others hope that there is a way out. Sin is evil and transgressions are wicked, but the Lord is just and faithful to forgive us every time we choose to exchange satan’s lies for YEHOVAH’s truth. Bless you. Keep going forward, may you be strengthened in your inner man, keep your eyes on the prize and keep running this race for the glory of our King. May His goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life. Best Regards. Stef

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