FROM THE UNIMAGINABLE
If there was one thing throughout my life that I actually believed in, it was ” bad luck”, as I’ve definitely had my share of it , however what I’m about to tell you, if you’re willing to listen, may change the direction of your life forever, and the testimony of my own extraordinary night and day differences should be enough to convince you that, if you’re truly sincere, there is a way out, and it’s all about Jesus ! At fifty-two years of age , five years ago the bible was just another book to me, and Jesus was a fantasy of the imagination, now they are my sustaining lifelines !!! So to answer your question…why would I now tell you about the transforming grace of Jesus , rest assuredly, I will never forget where I came from, as my soul and life has literally been drenched in human suffering, as it played itself out in the very pits of hell . I don’t care how weak you may think you are in mind and body, when you call upon the strength of Jesus, regardless of what Satan has thrown your way, you will prove to be of superior power. We seldom, if ever consider the heights we could reach, but having tried everything else, and rather than just giving up on yourself, allow God to control your every step and believe me when I tell you, that by the merits of Jesus Christ, you would be lifted out of your depraved state and made more precious that any treasure. How can I be so sure… I have went from crippling impossibilities, to living realities !!! The main purpose behind any form of miracle was to get people to understand that God had something He wanted to say… With God all things are possible–Matthew 19: 26 Never within my sorrowful life was there anything that would substantiate my being a man of great wisdom, nor was there any indication that my life was destined for anything other that misery and suffering, as within its first forty years, it had certainly played itself out in the pits of hell. Of my own resources I could never, ever have changed the course of my destructive life, although without unquestionable dispute, I am a living testimony that our Lord Jesus does in fact hear our cry of help, and it does not matter whether this plea was one of faith or unbelief, as the two walk hand in hand. As long you allow yourself to be molded by the Grace of the Holy Spirit, God will heal and restore all the broken pockets of your life to heights greater than their original state. My own perception of my very existence could be tragically summed up within the following metaphor : ” For a moment, try to imagine during the beginning stages of your life being abandoned in the middle of a raging sea, left alone without the benefit of even a life preserver. Each of my years had brought its own thundering wave crashing down upon me, threatening to swallow me in its darkest depth. With an unexplainable willpower, I battled each treacherous wave. In reaching its peak and briefly catching my breath as I aimlessly drifted into the next unknown valley. I’m once again drawn into an unrestrained despair, longing for my life to end, as on the horizon I see the next hideous wave approaching with a terrifying ferociousness. Through many years of painful reflection, I’ve come to understand with a clearer appreciation, that something far greater than anything within myself, had not only kept me afloat, but instilled within me a persistent and determined desire to rise above anything life had to offer. ” Throughout my life there always seemed to be a great instability, as a direct result of parental abandonment, as my they placed their own selfish wants and need above that of their children. As a result a deep rooted dysfunctional insecurity ingrained itself into my personality. At fifteen years old I began my thirty-five year battle with chronic alcoholism, one year later I embarked on a life of crime, prison survival, and violence that spanned the next twenty years, of which fourteen were spent in various prisons across Canada. At twenty-nine years of age I became a narcotic drug addict, which I battled for twelve years. If such a life wasn’t in itself enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, buckle your seat belt, as it gets worse. In 1995, as a result of my addictions and unpredictability, I was told that I had contracted the deadly HIV infection, and that my life would be very short- lived . Twelve years have now passed since that devastating diagnosis, and as I am writing these very powerful words, without any hesitancy, beyond a shadow of a doubt, or a murmur of uncertainty, I know that Jesus Himself delivered me to Emmanuel Pentecostal church to be baptized in His name !!! Yes the reality clearly now exists within my mind, that my life before its conception, to this very moment in time, had been pre-orchestrated for a specific and meaningful purpose. God whose very breath and word created the universe, just as He spoke to Abram in Genesis 12: 2-3, And I will make of thee a great nation and I will bless thee, and make thy name great, and thou shalt be a blessing…these same promises have always been available to any of us… Within the shipwreck of my life, you could have never convinced me that my name could possibly be great, or that I would be a blessing to anyone. However to me these words go beyond human expression, and should eternally be a tender endearment, inscribed upon our hearts. Each time I read them the indestructible nature and resilient power of God’s own spoken words leap in a thunderous roar from the page, embracing my soul within a merciful reminder of His amazing Sovereignty…”No one but God could make such a promise, no one but God Almighty could deliver such a promise, but more importantly, no one but God Himself could enforce such a promise.” Luke 18:27…The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. The Apostles of the bible introduced an era of revelation, although before they could become spokesmen within their written words, God had to first authenticate them as such. He gave them the power to do supernatural things in order that people might know that these men were of God, and that they spoke the truth..When I talk of miracles, its not about parting the Red Sea, then again when you take thirty-five years of horrific alcoholism, and just wake up one day and have that noose completely taken away, its a miracle of divine proportions. By itself, this could perhaps be dismissed as lucky, however when you add to that clean slate twenty-five years of ingrained criminality, the incarcerations which were like my second home, the drug addiction and the incurable HIV infection, all wiped clean as though they never existed, washed clean by the blood of Jesus !!! When your heart meditates upon God, you will remain victorious, for no evil can destroy your peace, as all the promises of God’s written word, all the power of His divine grace, and all of heaven itself are pledged to secure your deliverance, I don’t need any authentication to realize that God within His glory is using the circumstances of my shattered and tormented life as a further means of restoring the blind to sight… The first time I entered a church, for the longest time it sounded as though the preacher was trying to sell me an elusive map, which I definitely now know is not the case. It’s only when you first look deep within yourself, that you’ll come to understand that all those night and day differences within your own life, are the map he’s talking about, and that you within their definitions, are the immeasurable treasure. Once fully explored, the possibilities of the unknown will be awakened, and you to will begin to realize the unlimited realities within the world of the impossible. It’s there that you’ll begin to find that undeniable faith. The bible reveals our true nature, for as clearly stated in Romans 3 : 10 and 23…There are none righteous, no not one…For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We have all broken God’s laws and have not even done the best we can…Jesus came to not only bring us a new life, but by His example show us how to have it. In John 10 : 10 Jesus Himself said…I am come that they might have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. When you receive the life that only Jesus can give you, its what being born again is all about. The first great truth you must open your eyes to, are found in the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 6-verses ,11, and 12. 11 Put on the whole Armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. An undeniable fact, these words come from the greatest champion religion has ever known, yet his own life’s journey began as its fiercest opponent, his sole purpose was to extinguish any and all existence of religion from the face of the planet. From the moment God stopped Paul on the Damascus Road, his life was transformed by Grace instantaneously, he went from a murderous persecutor, to that of a meekly priest… His eyes had finally been opened to the deceptions played upon humanity. His message is very clear, there’s a war going on, and it’s got nothing to do with the things that are seen, but rather the unseen Spiritual warfare, that’s been going on from the moment Satan was cast out of Heaven. He introduced sin, and don’t be fooled, “sin will and has taken us places we’ve never dreamed of !!! “ By sin we are lured into a captivity unimaginable, by which Satan continues to rob us of our Christian experience, as his greatest fear is that we should realize the greatness we were destined for, as we were created in the image of God… Jesus Himself was Divinity manifested in the flesh, He came to give us back what Satan had stolen,” our immortal crown of eternity”. Just before He died on that cross for us, His words were meant as a final clue and warning against Satan’s deceptions. Imagine in view of all the miracles He performed, and after He was persecuted, mocked, tortured and hung on a cross to die, which by the way He predicted !!! Speaking directly to the Father in heaven He said ” Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” Luke 23 : verse 34. Jesus alone understood how man throughout the ages had been deceived into murmuring against God, and filled with clouds of unbelief. So great, cunning and alluring was this deception that it collectively blinded not ten, a thousand, or ten thousand people, but rather a whole nation…Having been miraculously freed from hundreds of years of opressed bondage, delivered to safety through the parted Red Sea into the promised land, they still rebelled against God. They understandably had a hard time in trusting things unseen or unknown… As a result God manifested Himself in the flesh as Jesus and came to dwell with us, so that we could not only find, but make peace with God….You decide for yourself… the religious establishment of His day refused to believe that He was the son of God , yet as He had predicted His own death, burial and resurrection , they went to a lot of trouble in disproving His claims. First they made sure He was dead on that cross , then placed Him in a tomb with a two thousand pound rock sealing off the entrance. As an extra precaution they then had teams of roman solider’s guarding the tomb around the clock, on the threat of death, should someone steal the body. What do you think they’re response was on the third day when the stone had been rolled away, and all that remained in the tomb, neatly folded were the clothes that Jesus had been buried in. They didn’t send out any search party, or raise a big stink, for in their hearts they knew that they had crucified God in the flesh .When He arose from that grave, He triumphed over all sin and death itself, Firstly its only through reflection of our own tragic lives, that the beginning stages of being born again as described by Jesus begin…”Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God…Ye must be born again” John 3:3, and 7. Before we can grasp the significance of these words, we must first understand that as a result of our present condition, we are alienated from the life of God, as not having a life, and as stated in Ephesians 2:1 and again in 4:18, just as a body without physical life is declared dead, so then is any person seperated from the life of God described as spiritually dead. When you call upon Jesus in true repentance, the everlasting arms of heaven will embrace your soul, as angels will be by your side.You too now can have total freedom from all bondage and its found in the following passage.. Acts 2:38….Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the remissions of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.
TO THE EXTRAORDINARY
Faith in its most simplistic nature has always been within our grasp, and the key to unlocking its mystery lies within these very words. ” In order to have a faith, you must first have a belief, to have a belief there must first be an acknowledgement of a higher power, some supernatural force greater than yourself, guiding the very steps of your life, and there’s only one way of grasping that acknowledgement. Our most painful journey, which I just cannot stress enough will be that one of internal reflection, especially more so in terms of a destructive life, for its there that the very foundations of change or growth of any kind must first begin. Its when you look to those however brief, yet extraordinary night and day differences within your own life, that you will begin to understand that its in those moments that the spiritual world meets the physical…” I have faced many obstacles throughout my life, and none of it until I looked back in reflection mattered ! Not the twenty-five years of criminality , not the fourteen years I spent in prison, nor the thirty-five years of alcoholism , or the twelve years within a narcotic drug addiction. All of this made my life very complicated, however to understand the true nature of un impenetrable and seemingly un reversible hardships, add to the already incomprehensible horrors of my life, the devastating and incurable HIV infection, which on three separate occasions, having come out of remission, threatened to extinguish my very life, and then you begin to understand, that in light of everything, even if I had wanted to change the course of my destructive life, this in itself proved to be a human impossibility! Of my own understanding, it was never a question of how I was going to turn my life around, but rather where would it end ! I have truly been blessed with a new heart, which is to have a new mind, new purposes and new motives, however the most noticeable sign of a new heart, is a changed life ! The Lord shall deliver me from every evil work…2 Timothy 4: 18. Nothing mattered more than trying to understand the Why, or more specifically, What had for most of my life, left me colder than that iceberg that sank the Titanic. Definitely through my writing, but more so within the struggles of positive changes, that in themselves can only be attributed to to that of Divine Intervention, I have faced and came to terms with my most paralyzing fears, unraveling the mysteries of my tormented life. In order to truly understand the why, one must first fully explore the often painful, yet complicated paradoxes between our tormented yesterdays, combined with the struggles of today, for its within our past and present that we will find the answers to a more successful tomorrow. The powerful transformations within God’s Majestic molding process began in 1997, my fortieth year. It was a time when my life had literally lost all its meaning, and it was while in serious thoughts of self extinction, that I had somehow for the first time found the courage to ask God for a miracle…It’s very strange that I would make such a request, as I had never throughout embraced a true faith or belief, and wasn’t sure if I was even capable of ever doing this, as within my life there never existed a hope that could have been extinguished. Almost from my birth my mind had been a continual habitation of one demon or another, where the very real powers and principalities of darkness themselves have manipulated my life like a puppet on a string. It has only been through deep reflection, while exploring the complicated and entwined paradoxes that made up my life, between the issues of right and wrong, to distinguishing reality from the painted illusions I had created within this complex puzzle which represented my mind, that the evidence clearly now in my mind manifests itself. Christ within the helplessness of my circumstances had patiently carried me, and it did not matter whether it was in faith or unbelief, He was waiting for my cry of help, which would “ignite that unknown spark of hope with a fierce and persistent determination. ” In the bible, the book of Ezekiel, chapter thirty-seven tells about a valley full of dry bones, where God himself Ezekiel if he believes whether, He Lord God can bring those bones back to life!!! Our very own lives, whether viewed through the hardships of our circumstances, or through those suffocating nooses of crippling addictions and devastating illnesses, represent that very same valley of dry bones. The questions we must often find ourselves in need of an answer are; can our faith allow us to believe that God can restore our dry bones back to life? Where does this faith come and how does one get it! Rest assured, entertaining the reality of God within your life, is not an exercise of futility ! How can I be sure of this? From that very moment ten years ago, in my own brokenness and unbelief when I called upon the Lord, God has miraculously blessed my life many times, while continuously tapping me on the shoulder trying to capture my attention, and until a year ago, I didn’t even know it. As with anything in this life, nothing comes easy, to be successful there is a progression of events within that process, and this as well includes entering the kingdom of Heaven. As my words come from a heart that was once encrusted within layers of hardened callousness, I empathetically understand that it’s easier said than done, when I ask you to believe that not only is faith in itself is a powerful gift of transforming grace, but that within us there exists an awesome God, who can and will restore all the shattered pieces of our lives… Throughout my life all the signs of divine intervention had always been present, from crippling addictions, to the night and day differences of positive changes. Amidst it all, I walked within the shadows of death itself, where failure almost always appeared as a welcomed luxury, as I continually wrestled with the incurable, yet devastating hardship of the HIV infection, which threatened on many fronts to extinguish my very life. Whether I was in search of this faith, or inadvertently running away from it, ten long years had passed before I was to grasp the significance, and very reverence of divine intervention, and the role it’s played in my life. This supernatural, yet mystical force that in its Supremacy, as I’ve now come to understand and accept it, is God on the Throne, had not abandoned me, but instead embraced me within His merciful tenderness, and continued within His graceful beauty, to transform a life that was all but lost…
When considering the very real miracles of God,I would never within the mathematical impossibilities of the blessed miracles that have taken place throughout my life, try and convince anyone that God has chosen me with some specific purpose. However what began in 1997, could in itself have been the beginning of the certification or authentication process?Twenty-five years of criminality-gone, twelve years of narcotic drug addiction-gone, although it took an additional seven years, thirty-five years of suffocating alcoholism-finally in 2004-gone and forty years of smoking-in November of 2006, I just gave it to God and haven’t had a puff since. Incredible, however this is just the tip of the iceberg. As a direct result of sharing needles, in 1991 I contracted the HIV virus. However since 1997, I have had three diagnosis of my HIV infection progressing to its final stages, meaning that I was in the process of dying, the last diagnosis being three years ago. Six months ago, that same administration, as I have consistently remained undetectable while on the anti-viral therapy, told me that 99%, there is no HIV in my body, God has delivered me from crippling impossibilities, to living realities…However the significance of my testimony is not in the process of my journey, but rather the undisputable Authentication process of God’s presence guiding my steps, which in essence started ten years ago, and I’m only now just becoming aware of it.
Every aspect of my life, from its conception to this very moment in time, each and every directional step I have taken, has been pre-orchestrated by God Himself, for His everlasting glory, and I never until recently had any knowledge of it. At fifty one years of age, I don’t know nothing about nothing, I have never had visitations, visions or conversations with God, I’m not even sure if I know how to pray, I was only baptized a year ago. Yet and however, when in closer inspection and reflection of all the extraordinary night and day differences within my life, God was not only showing me things, He was continually talking to me, and until recently I was blind to it all. Again however there exists a clear and unmistaken distinctionable paradox to my life. On one hand, within a quick reflectional glance, it seems as though my life, in those issues of sexual abuse, which occurred during my earliest childhood memories, within an innocent purity, to those of abandonment, dysfunctionalism, criminality, incarcerations, followed by the hardships of suffocating addictions, and the emotional paralysis due to an incurable and devastating life threatening illness, made my life one of immeasurable complexities. However in a broader sense, my life when viewed within each individualistic night and day difference, through the course of its journey, within its most simplistic nature, in which a child as if watching a mythical story book enchantment unfold itself, could easily comprehend. Clearly to those that have a spirit of discernment, the presence of the Holy Spirit is distinctly seen, charting each step of my life, towards God’s Destination…
What is the significance and purpose of my life, I wish I could answer that with a definite certainty, however as I’m unraveling the mysteries between a shattered life, and the miraculous transformation process, within this progressional perfection towards the Glory of Christ, I myself am drawn in an un containable Reverent Awe to the presence of God. There are several instances throughout the bible, where God has taken an absolute nobody and made them a blessing to others, if anything, I was a nobody, I never knew God, and if I did, my understanding was lost in complete disillusionment, even now in a newness of life, I am only beginning to but understand the Sovereignty of God. It wasn’t a fluke or a mistake or coincidence that in exactly my fortieth year, I asked God to step in. He did just that With hammer and chisel and began the wonderful molding process, however He knew that it would be no easy task, as never before imagined” No Obstacle Too Great”, within all of its weaknesses and insecurities, in all of its personal persecutions and trials, through all the hardships and sorrows. The final treacherous wave of despair, which began to pull me under, was in being told that my HIV infection was progressing to its final stages, as in this my death was then inevitable, although I had faced many obstacles throughout my life, this was one beyond my immediate comprehension and strength, nor was I willing to face it, a drug overdose seemed now to be my best plan of escape from a life of continuous misery. As each new page within the chronicles of my life unfolds itself, I leave my sorid past behind, to venture towards a greater destination, as never before imagined.What had appeared to be a hope beyond hope itself, was in reality a journey to the Glory of God… I am neither a learned man, nor educated , however my following words are in themselves irrefutable, as my very existence through the furnaces of affliction, are evidences of God’s miracles…I have with great interest and with many reservations read many articles regarding, what could only be deemed to be attacks upon the charasmatic movements, and most of what I read shows me the blindness, or rather the deceptions of Satan himself. There are two side to my contentions: firstly Moses led a nation out of Egypt, who themselves witnessed Miracles of God, yet collectively and unanimously Satan was able to influence them all to rebel, and doubt God-A whole nation??…How great then is his power against one lost soul!!!I not so much rebuke him, as he’s kind of gotten used to that, I love to continuously remind him of his future, which is just around the corner, He runs from me :]] Amen. According to the articles I had read, Miracles were performed then, within the supernatural events that preceeded them, well lets get our heads out of the ostrich hole. If in these perilous times there is one thing all relegions can collectively and unanimously agree upon, we are on the threshold of a Prohpetic supernatural event ,which is the Second Coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Everyone is entittled to an opinion, and truthfully speaking, most denominations today within their own beliefs and Doctrine’s, have adopted their own intrepretations as to Eternal truths. However one must be in careful consideration when chosing words that would judge, or critisize, therefore leaving a stain upon one’s character, lest it be their own…At 51 years old, I was baptized a year ago, in what could only be considered to constitute a Divine Intervention by God Himself. Believe me I have neither the inclination, nor the desire to darken anyone’s character or credibility, however what I am about to tell you could be attributed to God Himself.
One could say that within a newness of life, in its beginning stages, one’s eye’s are barely opening, well mine are as wide as plates, and my appetite is that of an elephant. I have nothing against Preachers, especially those of a bible thumping nature, as they are less concerned about the eloquence of words within the delivery of their sermon, they rely very little on educated degree’s, or theological principles. Their main objective is to portray God’s glory from within the scriptures. I don’t care how many books someone has read or written, I put little faith in degree’s or doctorial certificates, as there is nothing more powerful as to the lasting impact and influence, be it upon individual or a nation, than a personal experience within the overcoming of unimaginable hardships.
As to the Charismatic movement, and that of an Apostolic nature…There is not a denomination in existence that hasn’t made such claims of God working miracles through them, and most come with great disappointment, However this I do know. I entered my first church 4 years ago, and for three years I sat like gum on a pew, basically it was a dead church, which is one where there is no spiritual growth. How can I be so sure…In the three years that I was there, only were two people baptized, when finally within my own intrepretations of the book of Romans, I asked to be baptized and was told they’d have a meeting about it, ok, what did I know. However God had a different plan….
In what can only be described as a one in a billion chance meeting, a supernatural event occured. In a line up one day I find myself talking about my life to this woman, whom I’ve never met. I mentioned that I was going to get baptized and she literally lit up like a lighthouse, she was overjoyed, overwhelmed and wanted to know when. I told her they were having a meeting, and her heart sank. What she told me about God in the next hour made more sense than those three years in church. Regarding the rites and importance of baptism, she assured me her church would do this right away, I didn’t have to be a member, I didn’t have to be anything ,but willing to accept Jesus as my personal Savior, I didn’t even have to ever come back. Within the first six months over a hundred people were baptized. After two months, in what can only be described as life long friendship, we discovered that she was my neighbour 35 years ago, the reason I didn’t know her was she was just a baby in a crib…Wow
For forty years the pits of hell were the playground of my existience. The battles I fought were within issues of sexual abuse, parental abandonment, almost twenty-five years of criminality, fourteen years of imprisonment, twelve years of drug addiction, and thirty-five years of alcoholism. If this wasn’t in itself enough to shake the confidence of the bravest and strongest warrior, before I could even attempt to pick up the shattered pieces of my life, it had to get worse ! As a direct result of sharing needles, I contracted the devastating and incurable HIV virus, and was told that my life expectancy was to be very short-lived…it seemed at this point that my life was coming to an end, for I needed a hope beyond all hope, and even in that moment, twelve years ago, if I were to in fact have grasped a Christian faith, would it have been enough, within a life of continual failure, to sustain the spears of discouragement that would have daily hammered away at me, as if fired from a machine gun ? Tell me, when standing in the abyss of darkness, how ?? could it be possible, to cling to an unseen and unknown faith !!!
God did deliver me, and my point is that miracles happen each and everyday, and as long as we have preachers who would rather hear themselves preach textbook theology, than introduce God’s living testimonies that sit silently like gum on their pews, we will never know about them.
Individually, “from the moment we ask God for something, and to the fufillment of that promise, if we allow for even a breath of time to pass by, we have lost the promise to the deceptions of Satan, we must never faulter from our solid foundation, being the solid rock of Jesus. God’s spoken words are the promise, He is the creator of all things, heavens and earth move, stand still, or tremble at the sound of His voice.
I’m not sure if any of this repeats itself, just sending you some reading material, enjoy Although I’m in a complete newness of life, I feel that in this day and age, it is imperative within our responsibilities of soul wining that as Saints of God, we be in one accord. How do we do this? Look not within the misdirection of judgementalism, or criticism, which are clearly not things of God, look instead to our bonds of commonality.I find that church’s of today, are in their stubbornness like little children, who have all read the same book, but want their interpretations to be the truth.heh heh, “what if we are all right within certain aspects of our beliefs. Yes there are stains on the canvas of God’s tapestry, but the truth or an eye opening revelation is to be found in my previous statement; we are on the same page, as we are reading from the same book. Those that praise the name of Jesus through His written word-the Holy Bible, are for all intents and purposes, in one accord. I’m not defending Apostolic Charismatics in any way, for again we are looking for Eternal Truths, however all denominations I’m sure, have had their share of counterfeits. Anyone, especially someone within an educated stature of degree’s behind them, and placed in positions where their words could certainly leave an influential impression, should be in a careful consideration when choosing words that would judge, or criticize others, which could certainly leave a stain upon one’s character, lest it be their own…At 51 years old, I was baptized a year ago, in what could only be considered to constitute a Divine Intervention by God Himself. Believe me I have neither the inclination, nor the desire to darken anyone’s character or credibility, however what I am about to tell you could be attributed to God Himself. Please understand that my comments originate from my complex nature. I value above all else, character traits of sincerity, passion, desire and commitment. When within my old nature, I was what I was, when I became a Christian, I sincerely adopted Christianity as my nature, in that I believed I was a Christian, in the Kingdom of God, all my life its been that way,there is no half measure, its all or nothing. That first church I was in, the pastor said something andI’m still in shock that a man of faith, would allow such thoughts to enter his head, let alone come out of his mouth…Three times I was told of dying from the insufferable HIV infection, since the last diagnosis three years ago, in taking the toxic anti-viral medications, I too this day remain undetectable, with absolutely no side effects, as a result of the drugs. God is good :}. Two months ago that same administration tells me, that 99%, there is no HIV in my body. As this to many would understandably be unbelievable, its completely true. I’ll tell you the story of this Miracle as we go along. In excitement I tell the pastor this incredible news, and he matter of factly hits me with not as expected praises to the Lord, but instead, oh is that the story they are sticking too. In that instance, I’m wondering if I’m in a church or a mortuary, Where’s that expected unbridled faith?? No wonder that in three years, only two people got baptized, with such men behind the pulpit, it would be easier to swim the Atlantic, than it would in grasping a faith…One thing about me, I speak from personal experience, and I will not lie, many talk the talk, but I actually walk the talk. I had read an article concerning Charismatics claiming Apostolic gifts. The speaker was adamant that ” miracles were always associated with the certification of those of who were giving us God’s revelation. In further consideration of the article, as I re-read certain passages several times, a deeper appreciation of his words embraced me, as according to him, Miracles authenticated the Messengers of revelation, the breath of this very statement thundered at me from the page I was reading, for nothing about my life could be considered anything less than Miracles of a Divine nature. Wow, The Apostles introduced an era of revelation. However before they could become Spokesmen within their written words, God had to first authenticate them as such, so He gave them the power to do supernatural things in order that people might know that these men were of God who speak the truth. God creates miracles so that the people would listen to the Word and see it as His truth, miracles are designed to call attention to a certain revelation. However the main purpose behind miracles was to get people to understand that God had something to say! They are a sign for those who do not believe, for those who need to see that this is God’s Word. Whether you are talking about tongues or healing’s or miracles, they served as signs to authenticate an era in which God was giving new revelation and people needed to listen. If Miracles superceded a supernatural event, then what could be more supernatural than being on the Threshold of the Second Coming of Christ, and in this day and age, all religions collectively seem to agree that we are on that very Doorstep.. Within any church I tend to strongly lean toward the solid foundations of the principles taught, rather than the doctrines. The clear distinction between the two, as I see it, are that principles are based upon an extraordinary collection of events of epic proportions, that when expressed in the most simplistic manner embrace our very soul within an undeniable grace and truth. Bear with me now in my uneducated bewilderment…Doctrines on the other hand seem to me to be based on personal opinions, beliefs and intrepretations. I’m not saying throw it all out the door, I’m just looking at it from a different perspective. Realistically then if principles are stories, its much easier to retain their authenticity, as we don’t need to write them down, as their colorful and vibrant nature remains alive within our thoughts. Rules and regulations on the other hand, leave us in a state of disinterest, as they need to be written down, I can only imagine that they were as confusing, as are our taxes of today, or our criminal codes, which every five to ten years are being amended, and this is exactly my point. Up to the days of the Flood and beyond everything had to be recorded, you just didn’t go to the local seven-eleven and buy a hundred notebooks,but even if you did, things happen. Don’t forget many of these people lived “hundreds”of years. Lets just imagine after transcribing notes for a hundred years, you take a break for about fifty years, and a fire breaks out, or you notice that a goat has eaten half your notes, enough to pull your hair out. Now you have to re-write it, and realistically each time you have to amend something, its never as good as the original version. Firstly momentarily lets put doctrines aside, I want to ask you something, and its very important to me.Imagine for forty years living inside a burning inferno, and within that inferno a constant barrage of spears stabbing your body, that made your very existence an insufferable journey, where your only means of escape, seemed to be found within the unacceptable regions of suicide… Where by the Grace of Jesus, you were delivered from that intolerable nightmare, and all the spears of discouragement and torment were removed, wouldn’t you from that very moment continuously raise your hands to the heaven’s above, and praise our Merciful God? In the house of the Lord, you bet, while the preacher is delivering divine truths of which I’m definitely a partaker of, I want to either be dancing in the ailse, or on my knees praising the Lord for His blessed Miracles in my life. You bet I want to make a joyful noise to the Lord, I want to stand up and sing along with the choir in complete adoration for I am covered by the Precious blood of the lamb, our Lord Jesus. Churches of a Charismatic or Apostolic nature are really no different than other churches that cherish the name of Jesus, We as Saints of God must stand and walk, and claim our promises to the glory of God… As a first time writer, I believe that I have written an extraordinary work of non-fiction, for I have truly lived an unimaginable life. There is nothing glamorous about this story, and I make no excuses, “No obstacle too great” invites you on a riveting roller coaster ride, as it’s a journey through a life that has been nothing short of a shattered and tormented existence, which in its wake of forty-six years, has transformed itself by the Grace of God, from the unimaginable, to the extraordinary. “I have faced many obstacles throughout my life,and none of it really mattered ! Not the twenty-five years of criminality, not the fourteen years I spent in prison, nor the thirty-five years of alcoholism, or the twelve years within narcotic drug addiction. All this in itself made my life very complicated, however to understand the true nature of unimpenetrable hardships, now add to the already incomprehensible horrors of my life, the devastating and incurable HIV infection, which on three seperate ocassions, having come out of remission, threatened to extinquish my life. None of this mattered more than trying to understand the Why, or more specifically What had for most of my life, left me colder than that iceberg that sank the Titanic .”
It has not only been through my writing, but more so within the struggles of positive changes, that in themselves can only be attributed to that of Divine Intervention. Within this journey I have faced and come to terms with my most paralyzing fears, unraveling the mysteries of my tormented life. However in order to truly understand the why, one must first fully explore the often painful, yet complicated paradoxes between our tormented yesterdays, and the struggles of today. As its within our past and present that we will find the answers to a more successful tomorrow. “The answers although brutal, haunting and complex, declare themselves in each chapter”
In life,if you find a road without obstacles,it probably doesn’t lead anywhere Everything about this book presently remains in its original form, as it was written by me in 2001. In 2004,I first self published my work through WindShift Press here in Canada. Although the reviews I recieved were in themselves powerful, without the proper promotion and exposure, the book sat collecting dust. After speaking at a local high school a few times, I re-wrote, or should I say I one finger typed No obstacle again, weaving my ten thousand word speech into its body. In 2006 I again self published through Rosedog Publishing in the States. Again as is true of our own lives, things are not as they appear to be.It definitely wasn’t by accident, chance or any preconceived plan that now in my fiftieth year, I found myself on the steps of the Emmanuel Pentecostal Church here in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada. I remember this particular night very vividly in my mind, it was the beginning of November, and as was my nature, I had arrived early. There was a slight chill in the breezy coolness of the evening air; however the spine wrenching chills that now penetrated the depths of my soul, had absolutely nothing to do with the weather. Although I was still trying with difficulty to grasp the significance of divine intervention, and the role it’s unquestionably played within my life, I was about to jump my greatest hurdle and accept Jesus as my personal savior, and be baptized in His name.
As I nervously paced back and forth in a restless apprehension within the church’s inner courtyard, my thoughts frantically raced in many different directions, and everything for the moment seemed to be beyond my immediate comprehension. I was gripped within a combination of thoughts or were they in actuality revelations, that momentarily embraced me, not so much in fear, but more so in a reverent awe. Within an unknown familiarity, I had carefully been studying this historical church from many angles, and noticed that it had not only weathered many of its own storms throughout its colorful history, but within its determined persistency, resisted and overcome all of life’s obstacles. Suddenly any clarification I needed regarding the hardships of my life, and what it all meant, my answers now seemed to be found within the rustic nature of the church’s very appearance, where I saw my own persistent and determined character etched within its rugged beauty. It was within those brief precious seconds that I somehow grasped with conviction, that Christ all along knew the circumstances of my life.
As the church is now considering the possibility of re-publishing my book into its third life, the only exceptions have been made to the dedications, the introduction, and to the offensive language, which I had decided to omit from the text as well.
The writing of this book was in and of itself at times not only a very painful experience, but in the same breath, has become an invaluable journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening. My life as I’ve now come to understand it has played itself out within God’s molding process in four different stages, and the following story is but the tip of the iceberg. I am almost near completion of my second manuscript entittled ” In memory of an angel “, and well into my third work of non-fiction ” Leaves in the wind “, which are continuations to an already incredible life, however it is within these pages, and what lies beyond “No obstacle too great”, that truly gives God’s Majestic Grace its breathlessness.
In considering myself somewhat of a writer, especially in words of a non-fictional description, its then within this capacity that I now assume an even greater responsibility. For when in words of this very nature, I must be ever so careful in their structure, as they will in one form or another leave an impact upon people’s lives. The beauty within the truth and conviction of my shattered life will only be measured by the extent of its influential appreciation. Without having the benefit of a full education, nor ever having been schooled towards being a writer.I have, through my greatest internal struggles come to understand and accept the reality, that I have been entrusted by what can only in all its definitions be considered a gift, that is not of this world”. Even tougher was the understanding that this gift was not for my benefit, instead its purpose was to be a blessing to others.
The facts within my written testimony will undisputedly give evidence that God Himself directed the steps of my life, and is sitting mightily upon His Throne, and preparing for the return of our Blessed Savior Jesus Christ. As seen throughout the irrefutable written word, from the beginning of creation, regardless of the brutalities within oppressive dictatorships, or the catastrophes that have continually hammered each successive generation, or the acts of war, that have continually threatened, to weaken and stagger the progression of mankind. Regardless of the devastating addictions, or the incomprehensible illnesses that not only continue to cripple humanity daily, but within their path of destruction, disable entire communities, and threaten nations as a whole. “God has throughout the ages, within every generation, brought forward an abundance of prophetic voices from all nations. These are His chosen ambassadors, messengers elect, who within their own powerful testimonies, can, have and will continue to deliver His people from the suffocating bondages, unleashed by the enemy of all Righteousness.
In writing these words, I am fearful to place myself even within a consideration of such a privileged position, however when in reflection of my life, one can’t but help marvel at the extraordinary night and day differences, or the seemingly impossible positive transformations. Never within my sorrowful life was there anything that would substantiate my being a man of great wisdom, nor was there any indication that my life was destined for anything other than misery and suffering, as within its first forty years, it had certainly played itself out in the very pits of hell. Of my own resources I could never, ever have changed the course of my destructive life, although without unquestionable dispute, I am a living testimony to the fact that Our Lord God does in fact hear our cry of help, and it does not matter whether this plea was one of faith or unbelief, as the two walk hand in hand. As long as we allow ourselves to be molded by the Grace of the Holy Spirit, God will heal and restore all the broken pockets of our lives, to heights greater than their original state. My own perception of my very existence could be tragically summed up within the following metaphor;
“For a moment, try to imagine during the beginning stages of your life being abandoned in the middle of a raging sea, left alone without the benefit of even a life preserver. Each of my years had brought its own thundering wave crashing down upon me, threatening to shallow me in its darkest depth. With an unexplainable willpower, I battled each treacherous wave. In reaching its peak and briefly catching my breath, as I aimlessly drifted into the next unknown valley. I’m once again drawn into an unrestrained despair, longing for my life itself to cease, as on the horizon I see the next hideous wave approaching with a terrifying ferociousness. Through many years of painful reflection, I’ve come to understand with a clearer appreciation, that something far greater than anything within myself, had not only kept me afloat, but instilled within me a persistent and determined desire to rise above anything life had to offer. ”
From my earliest childhood within its innocent purity there was a sexual molestation, which left its filthy stain and torturously haunted the deepest corridors of my mind. There was insurmountable instability due in part to parental abandonment, as they pursued their own selfish wants and needs above those of their children, which ingrained within my personality, a deep rooted dysfunctional insecurity. At fifteen years old I began my thirty-five year battle with chronic alcoholism. One year later I embarked on a life of crime, prison survival and violence that spanned the next twenty years, of which fourteen were spent in various prisons. At thirty-years of age I became a narcotic drug addict as well, which I battled for the following twelve years. If such a life wasn’t in itself enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, buckle your seat belt as it gets worse. As a result of my addictions and unpredictable behaviors I was told I have the HIV infection, and that my life would be very short-lived. Twelve years have now passed since that devastating diagnosis, and as I am writing these very words, without any hesitancy, beyond a shadow of a doubt, or a murmur of uncertainty, I know that God Himself delivered me to Emmanuel Pentecostal church to be baptized in His name. Yes the reality clearly now exists within my mind, that my life, before its very conception, to this very moment in time, had been pre-orchestrated for a specific and meaningful purpose.” God within His glory is using the circumstances of my shattered and tormented life as a further means of restoring the blind to sight. ”
Something I wrote and believe in very much:
Moving mountains and walking on the water
Every addiction along with every negative behavior or influence in our lives, is a mountain, and when in sincerety and committment give that mountain to God, within each day of abstinence, the mountain takes a step away from us. Eventually it disapears from our sight, no longer having any signifigance in our lives, therefore we have just went from what was once a crippling impossibility, to a living reality, and just like peter we too now walk on the water…
The powerful transformations within God’s Majestic molding process began in 1997, my fortieth year. This was the year that my life had literally lost all its meaning, and it was while in serious thoughts of self extinction, that I had somehow for the first time found the courage to ask God for a miracle…It’s very strange that I would make such a request, for I had never within my life embraced a true faith or belief, and wasn’t sure if I was even capable of ever doing this, for there never within my life existed a hope that could have been extinguished. Almost from birth, my mind had been a continual habitation of demons, where the very powers, and principalities of darkness themselves have manipulated my life, like a puppet on a string. It has only been through deep reflection, while exploring the complicated and entwined paradoxes that made up my life, between the issues of right and wrong, to distinguishing reality from the painted illusions I had created within this complex puzzle which represented my mind, that the evidence clearly now in my mind manifests itself. Christ within the helplessness of my circumstances had patiently carried me, and it did not matter whether it was in faith or unbelief, He was waiting for my cry of help, which would “ignite that unknown spark of hope with a fierce and persistent determination.”
In the bible, the book of Ezekiel, chapter thirty-seven tells about a valley full of dry bones, where God himself asks Ezekiel if he believes, whether He, Lord God can bring these bones back to life. Our very own lives, whether viewed through the hardships of our circumstances, or those suffocating nooses of crippling addictions and devastating illnesses, represent that very same valley of dry bones. The questions we must often find ourselves in need of an answer are; can our faith allow us to believe that God can restore our dry bones back to life? Where does this faith come from, and how does one get it! Rest assured, entertaining the reality of God within your life, is not an exercise of futility! How can I be sure of this? From that very moment ten years ago, in my brokenness and unbelief, when I called upon the Lord, God has miraculously blessed my life many times, while continuously tapping me on the shoulder trying to capture my attention, and until a year ago, I didn’t even know it.
As with anything in this life, nothing comes easy, to be successful there is a progression of events within that process, and this as well includes entering the kingdom of Heaven. As my words come from a heart that was once encrusted within layers of hardened callousness, I empathetically understand that it’s easier said than done, when I ask you to believe that not only is faith in itself is a powerful gift of transforming grace, but that within us there exists an awesome God, who can and will restore the shattered pieces of our lives. It’s never easy, always remember that even for those that profess a long fellowship in Christ, have a hard time with faith. Having been at the end of my rope many times throughout my life, I’m very familiar within the concept from an unbeliever’s perspective, or those struggling with unpredictable addictions, and incomprehensible illnesses, to that person who for the first time enters a church, never having known the Lord. It’s almost second nature, and certainly within thier world of dysfunctional familiarity, it’s much easier for them to readily accept the harshness of their existence as fate, or just the way the cards of life were dealt to them, rather than trying to grasp the immeasurable reality of God. However as long as you continue to hang on to this delusional thinking, you will never have anything greater than surviving yet another day, as your life continues within it’s daily grind of disparity and hopelessness.
Faith in it’s most simplistic nature has always been within our grasp, and the key to unlocking its mystery lies in these very words. ” In order to have a faith you first must have a belief, to have a belief there must be an acknowledgement of a higher power, a super natural force greater than yourself, which has been guiding the very steps of your life! Our most painful journey, and I just can’t stress it enough will be that one of internal reflection, especially more so in terms of a destructive life, as it’s there that the very foundations of change or growth of any kind must first begin. Sometimes it sounds as though the preacher is trying to sell us an elusive treasure map, which is definitely not the case. It’s only when you look deep within yourself, you’ll not only come to understand that all those night and day differences within your life are the map, and that you within their definitions, are the immeasurable treasure. Once fully explored, the possibilities of the unknown will be awakened, and you to will begin to realize the unlimited realities within the world of the impossible.It’s there that you’ll begin to find that undeniable faith.
As a result of my testimony, should you recieve the benefit of insightfullness, that would in itself alter the course of your life, especially if it were of a destructive nature, or if you recieve any hope, and encouragement, as to overcoming the hardships of addictions, circumstances, or coping with an unsufferable illness,”don’t thank me, for this book and the ones to follow were never about me, give praise to God above. I believe with a firm conviction that my writing, is a gift from God, which could be His way of taking the sting out of my own sufferings.
Throughout my life all the signs of Divine Intervention had always been present, from crippling addictions, to the night and day differences of positive changes. Amidst it all, I walked within the shadows of death itself, where failure almost always appeared as a welcomed luxury, as I continually wrestled with the incurable, yet devastating hardship of the HIV infection, which threatened on many fronts to extinguish my very life. Whether I was in search of this faith, or inadvertently running away from it, ten long years passed before I was to grasp the significance, and very reverence of divine intervention, and the role it’s played in my life. This supernatural, yet mystical force that in its Supremacy, as I’ve now come to understand and accept it, is God on the Throne, had not abandoned me, but instead embraced me within His merciful tenderness, and continued within His graceful beauty, to transform a life that was all but lost…
Dedications;
I now know that throughout my severest trials, and the greatest storms of my weathered life, it was God alone who had within those storms, been my life preserver. If only we could truly see and envision that those night and differences throughout our lives, could in fact be those cross-roads within their own mythical nature, where our physical world and the spiritual one meet. It’s within this interpretation, that this book is dedicated to the Everlasting Glory of God…
I wish to extend prayers of deep and eternal gratitude to my best friend Bonnie Wilson, whom by the grace of God has been one of the greatest night and day, differences in my life. Without her influential encouragement and spiritual guidance, I would still be walking about aimlessly lost. Her unwavering loyalty of friendship, gives this word within her graceful elegance, a divine definition all of its own. She has truly left an everlasting trail of footprints, engraved deep within my heart…At times it seemed like she had called in her own personal excavation crew, as together we sat within countless hours, while in reflection of my weathered life, and searched the very depths of my tortured soul. I’ m not sure how it happened, but she had melted the coldness that for so long had imprisoned my heart, and once she had peeled away all the calloused layers, mystically like on the wings of a dove while at the altar with me, gave it to God. If there were no tomorrow, I would want her to always know that I consider her friendship, after our Lord Jesus, the greatest gift of my life.
Also a great thanks to Pastor David Jobson, for he had made it perfectly clear to me that within any church, membership was never meant to be, nor should it ever be, a prerequisite in the path of baptism. His passion alone was in my desire to be baptized in the name of Jesus. Ministries around the world should grasp the significance within these words of wisdom.” Anyone whose heart has finally opened, expressing a desire for baptism, which may in and of itself have arose from within, but a moment of Divine Revelation. Therefore God’s servants should clearly understand the importance and careful attention now necessary which is greatly dependant upon their unwavering faithfulness. For it’s within this leap of faith that any hesitation, unwillingness, or the slightest inattention and neglect within the significance of baptism, will all weigh heavily on the balancing scale towards a successful conversion.”
My deepest appreciation and respect is given to the widely recognized Pastor Paul Reynolds, Bishop of the Emmanuel Pentecostal Church, here in British Columbia, Canada. It was in listening to his message.” It’s the second birth that counts” that for the first time in forty years, I was truly able to grasp the uniqueness of forgiveness, which made all my bitterness and resentments completely insignificant. Within their own instrumental sphere of patience, wisdom and spiritual enrichment, these Saints of God entered my life in what can only be described as a welcomed sweet smelling gentle mist, as their presence continues to embrace the depths of my very soul.
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