The average eight year old can be found outside, enjoying company with friends or playing imaginary wars with action figures and developing their foundation in life. But I struggled with identifying who I was as a young man and after being abruptly molested, my life was tattered. Those circumstances became door ways anger that turned to rage, molestation that turned into a relationship, and lust that turned into an strong addiction to porn.  Fighting with those issues, I fought for the attention of an absent father and a relationship with a mother that was raising me to the best of her ability. With secrets within me, I knew that I would have to make a choice one day. It would be between who I was and who I desired to be.

I began to use my body as I pleased and although I wasn’t on a street corner, I was still prostituting. Once I came out and told my loved ones about my choice of lifestyle, I was unstoppable. Even with my decision of how I chose to be, I knew there was another choice that had to be made. I began visiting churches seeking answers and deliverance. I only found myself in deeper sin as I began to sleep with members of the church. There was no shame, from pew to pulpit the relations continued.

I knew that there was no way I could receive deliverance from man if they themselves were dealing with the same issue. So I turned back to the world feeling like a used product instead of a person, damaged goods. I started living for the thrill of things that made me happy, sleeping promiscuously, stripping, looking for love on the chat lines, and internet. It became a game to me. A challenge from day to day. Another obstacle to conquer. Another trophy on my shelf. Then I was introduced to the greatest challenge of them all, from the D.L (Down Low) to the D.L. (Delivered Lifestyle) .

I was then introduced to God at the Upper Room later to be known as The Burning Bush Church. There I received true deliverance and understanding that with God, what the world says is impossible (someone being delivered from homosexuality) is possible. Some might ask “how do you know your delivered?” It was not because of anything I did but what Jesus did 2000 years ago when he died on the cross, not only just for me but for you . I stand on his word “therefore if the son makes you free, you shall be free indeed” ( John 8:36). It didn‘t say if others agreed or not with me being free; “therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away behold all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17) and there is nothing left out of all.

Yes that’s my mind, thoughts, desire, feelings, and my perspective to His precepts. I never knew or seen a change like this before. Don’t get me wrong, churches speak of this change but you don’t see or in my case receive it. Many people get a dose of do better, they say they want to change and even give it up for awhile but to keep this deliverance we need power from on high. Yes power! Two months after giving my life to Christ on February 12, 2003 I received the Holy Ghost (Acts 1:8). I call him my KEEPING POWER.

By God’s grace and mercy I started my journey from brokenness toward holiness. God knew I needed a few more things on this journey so he sent me a wonderful wife, two stepdaughters and a son Cameron Jr. At first it was hard to believe that someone could look pass my past and love me for me. When I first told her about the old me, she said she serves a God of Deliverance and on September 3, 2005 we married. Now walking forward in the things of God, I minister to other men and women who are bound by this disease to please. This powerful ministry, A Street called Straight: helps administer true freedom to an audience on how to stay delivered through the keeping power of the Holy Spirit.

Deliverance can come in a moment, but you must walk in it for a life time.

By: Cameron Brooks

Related posts:

1. Homosexuality Forgiven
2. Overcoming Homosexuality
3. Freedom Is a Choice

I just want to share what God has done in my life with everyone. Recently I met a guy and we quickly became friends. He mentioned to me that he is married and because I was uncomfortable spending time with him he told me that he spoke to his wife about me and she is fine with us being friends and that she even wanted to meet me. And, since we were only “just” friends anyway I didn’t see anything wrong with us just hanging out once every couple weeks. But the Lord spoke to me several times in my dreams, warning me that something was terribly wrong.

I was in spiritual turmoil for the past months over the dreams I was having but thought they couldn’t have been about my new friendship. That is until two days ago when I discovered his wife didn’t know anything about me at all and that he was actually sneaking to see me.

Moreover, his intentions for me were for our relationship to develop into much more than just kicks and giggles. In shock and anguish over my sin I quickly ran to my saviour Jesus Christ and asked him to deliver me from this guilt and this unholy friendship that must end immediately. And to thank my Almighty Father for his great wisdom, mercy and loving kindness towards me. For protecting me from the enemy and for keeping me from being further influenced into some adulterous relationship.

I know now that God is the only friend and companion I’ll ever need. He will never deceive me. He is the love of my life and he gives complete rest to my soul. Glory to him in the highest, through Jesus Christ his son. Hallelujah!

By: Sim

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Satan has set out to destroy me from a very young age by molestation, childhood curiosity and homosexuality. I became sexuality active at age seven and it caused me to feel un-lovable, un-clean, un-worthy, un-desirable and I felt like I never fit in anywhere.

I actually think that the molestation started long before I was seven by my uncle who had later in life found out he had messed up mind about sex. I had spent a lot of time with my uncle and his wife when I was a child and I truly think that he did things to me then. I loved my uncle and when I realized that he was doing things to me I thought this was they way you showed love.

My father passed when I was seven and my mother rented a room to a family friend to help him out and to help make some extra money. We did not have a lot and my mother was raising my teenage brother, two of my sisters and myself and she didn’t work out side the home because she had to take care of us.

On day I found myself in this mans bedroom and the molestation by him started from there and it lasted through my teenage years. Satan used this man to try to destroy me for the rest of my life. Because I wanted attention and to be close to a male to fill the void of not having a father I was being used by him to meet his needs sexually. Again by doing these thing I thought this was they way you got the attention you needed.

From here I found myself doing things with my playmates & childhood friends my own age.

When I was around the age 10 a family moved into the neighborhood that had three sons ages 10 to 13 and the youngest which was my age we became friends and things started happening between us and then there were others a well. Satan had gotten a hold of me and I felt that I was doomed forever. None of these guys were really my friends it became what I could do for them. This stuff went on for years with these guys until we were all out of school and a couple even longer. But I was the bad one because I had fallen into homosexuality.

But through all this time that I was growing up the family friend that was sexually molesting me started calling me names and all then all the guys started calling me names and that just drove my unworthiness even deeper. It came to a point to where if I knew that none of these guys were really my friends and all of them were making fun of me. I did like girls and i even had a couple girl friends as a teenager but the homosexuality had such a hold on me I couldn’t get free. I didn’t know how to get free from it. I used to beg God to take it away from me but I didn’t know how to let it go and let him work in me. Satan would always lie to me and tell me God didn’t love me and I would believe the lie over and over.

If you were a homosexual you were going to die and go to hell because God didn’t want you. Every preacher I ever heard mention homosexuality condemned you to hell.

When I was nineteen I met a very special woman and we started seeing each other we started living together and we were planning to get married but I was living a lie i could not stop the feelings and desires I was having and I had to tell her about my homosexuality and I did but she still wanted to get married and we did. I tried to walk away from homosexuality but it just came right back at me. You see i was trying to do it on my own. Always trying to do it on my own. But I had to leave because I could not live a double life. So after a little over a year of marriage I walked away. I didn’t immediately go back into the life style but I did fall back soon after. I was 21 when I divorced my wife.

I then found myself going out partying with other homosexuals at bars and clubs in Greensboro having little flings with other guys but never have been able to be committed to a long term relationship with anyone.

At this time in my life I was making excuses and lying to myself saying that God made me and God does not make mistakes so I was born this way all the time knowing I was lying to myself.

You see I had been to church from my childhood, in my teenage year and as an adult and I knew homosexuality was wrong the problem was I had not had the right teaching to know that if I let God take control he could do what I could not do and that is change me. I thought I had to change myself and get my life straightened out before I could go back to church.

So I continued on down my path of destruction and I let Satan lead me around from place to place always feeling depressed, lonely unfulfilled, unworthy and never really fitting in anywhere.

In the eighties around 1985/86 I met a guy who was one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. Always happy joyful and seems so full of life and we had a very brief relationship and decided that we would rather be friends. Shortly after so I assume our relationship ended he contacted AIDS and in 1988 he died due to complications from the AIDS virus. I often wondered and ask God why he took him and not me. I was always unhappy I didn’t really feel worthy of being in a relationship because of my early sexuality. I couldn’t understand why God would want to keep me and take him.

I know now that God did not take him it was Satan that robbed him of his life and he was trying to do the same thing to me. During this time I had met another woman and I was going back to church and we were planning to get married and again it didn’t work out. I still didn’t know how to let God work in me to change me so again I was out and gone.

God has protected me for so many years and has kept me safe from so much harm. I don’t deserve the mercy and the grace that He has shown me. The love and protection that He has bestowed upon me through out my life. The only thing I can think of is when I was 5&6 years old a family that was our neighbors used to take me to church and it was a spirit filled church and there was a calling placed on my life then in the early sixties.

God has protected me to bring me to this place where I am supposed to reach out to anyone that is hurting from sexual abuse to let them know that there is a God that loves them and He loves them right where they are and He is reaching down to pick you up and love you and heal you of all the hurt and pain that you have ever felt. God wants to restore you and give back to you everything that has been stolen from you in your life.

So Satan had won it seemed like I was entering into my late forties and I still didn’t know how to get out. I had to take a step of faith not even knowing that that was what I was doing and return to God and ask Him to forgive me from my past. God directed me to a church where I met a pastor who told me it did not matter where I had been or what I had done and that I did not need to tell him anything about my past because the one who need to know already knew everything about me and He was willing to open His arms and receive me just like I was and to forgive me of all my sins.

Six years have past sense I met this pastor and God has been working in me and though it has been some tough road it has been worth every minute of it. Last year in 2009 Satan tried his best to get me to turn away from God and run as far as i could away from my church. But I kept asking him where would I go? what church would I run to because I didn’t know of another church where I would be feed the way I am being feed. I told him that going back out into the world was not an option because there is nothing to go to out there.

God is calling the church into restoration and he is preparing us to go to battle to take back what Satan has stolen from us. god is call us to help everyone that is crying out for help to show them that He love them the same way He loves us and He wants to do the same thing for you that He has done for me.

God is no respecter of person and what he has done for me he will do for you. There is not a need so deep that He can not meet it. There is not a hurt so deep that He can not heal it. All any of us has to do is:

First: Admit to God that you have a problem.

Second: Admit to God that you can not change or solve your problem.

Third: Give it to God and let Him take control of it.

Forth: Yield one hundred percent to God and let Him heal you and restore you to a whole and complete person.

Fifth: Confess the love and forgiveness God has given you and walk in the righteousness of Jesus Christ because of who He is you are righteous, you are pure, you are clean, you as white as snow with out spot or blemish.

Submitted By: Dean

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1. Forgiven From Forty Years of Bondage
2. Overcoming Homosexuality
3. My Testimony

Satan had set out from a very young age to destroy me by childhood curiosities to molestation and on to homosexuality in my teenage and adult life.

I was seven years old in 1964 when I lost my father to cancer. Shortly after his passing is when I remember the men that I was looking up to to fill the emptiness I had were sexuality taking advantage of me. My uncle who I would later in life learn was really messed up when it came to sex was the one I think I was the first molest by. I don’t have a clear memory of him making me do things to him other than touching but he did do other things to me. I know that I spent a lot of time with him and my aunt when I was young. Things could have actually started with him at an even earlier age than I remember.

Submitted by: James D

Related posts:

1. Homosexuality Forgiven
2. Overcoming Homosexuality

I grew up attending Sunday School in Winnipeg, Canada with my Christian mom. In my mind, Jesus was a young man with brown locks who shepherded sheep with a smile on his face. But then when I was seven years old, we went to China and I was molested by my uncle’s driver. No one tells a kid how to deal with abuse – it’s a taboo subject and I didn’t know how to react. I wasn’t sure if what the driver did was wrong or if it was to be expected. When I was eight years old, I was home-schooled in China by an American Christian family and they made sure that God was part of my every day. I would learn about Jesus in my math and reading comprehension homework and at the time, it seemed so easy to believe in God because He was literally everywhere. However, my mom and I moved back to Canada when I was nine years old to join my dad. He had relocated to Vancouver, BC and suddenly I had to deal with the culture shock of moving to another country and the loneliness of making new friends in a foreign school. I thought I had lost God because my teachers no longer talked about Jesus at school, and my mom and I stopped attending church on Sundays since my dad was against Christianity and their marriage was shaky enough. At night, I began living out my molestation over and over again. I was scared and couldn’t tell my parents in fear that this would only force them to get divorced (childish fears at the time, I supposed). When I was twelve years old, I became anorexic and starved myself in an attempt to control some part of my body, since my mind had betrayed me. By thirteen, I was a bag of bones and diagnosed with depression.

That same year, I was invited by a friend at high school to attend his Friday fellowship at church and I warily accepted. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the Bible studies that drew me back to God but rather, the music. At church we sang about an almighty God who could make the mountains tremble – who was indescribable, uncontainable. I wanted to know this God again, and so I began praying and reading my bible. There wasn’t a specific conversion date for me. It was just a growing need to know God better, which led to a deeper relationship and I gave more of my heart to God until He had it all.

Today, at sixteen years old, I teach Sunday School to some energetic grade one and two’s. Some weeks, I’ll play the piano for the Sunday service upstairs. I thought I was unworthy of love – having been molested, then becoming anorexic and depressed. But God has so much grace and I’ve come to realize that even when I thought He had left, God was always by my side.

* I’m getting baptized in April and I’ll be sharing my testimony. But I thought I’d post it here first. : )

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“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”

The Bible is very clear about the destiny of the devil.  Revelations 20:10 says “Then the devil, who had deceived them, was thrown into the fiery lake of burning sulfur…. There they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.”  Notice that before he was tossed into the lake of fire, the Bible says that the enemy had deceived “them”.  Who are them?  The world.  The devil is fully aware of his fate of doom, and consequently, he’s focused his attention on trying to take with him as many people as he can because he is a true hater.  He hates God with a passion, and since he cannot defeat God, he goes after God’s most prized possession – man.

What I am about to share with you is actually a research paper I had written 10 years ago, back in 1999.  The paper is titled, “The Origins of Halloween” and was put together as a result of a research I had conducted about this “holiday”.  As with many other children, I was told by my Grandma, who was an evangelist, that Halloween was a day for Satan and this festival was not glorifying God.  I had been cautioned to stay away from it, and even as a child I had strong convictions against Halloween after my Grandma explained this to me. 

A lot of times we as people tend to go along with the majority, asking little to no questions.  Many traditions, whether bad or good, often goes without being questioned on its origins or the real truth behind the tradition.  I believe the general consensus is that if you’re celebrating this day in the spirit of fun, then it’s fine.  But it’s not, especially in the eyes of God.  The Bible tells us repeatedly to disassociate with all things of darkness, and Halloween glamorize, commercialize and even exalts darkness.  Making matters worse is that we even have Christians who think that it’s OK to participate in the Day of the Dead or All Souls Day, as known to other cultures.  I know many years ago I tried to adopt this way of thinking during my years of rebellion and backsliding.  I will share my testimony with you as briefly as I can so you can go ahead and read the report.

About a year prior to writing this report (1998), I decided to throw my youngest son a Birthday Halloween party.  I thought it was fine because I was doing it in the spirit of fun, and I thought the kids would enjoy it especially since we’ve never had a Halloween party before.  I decided to go all out and it took me weeks to prepare for the party.  And I was totally stoked.  I had family coming into to town to be a part of the party.  I had these different costumes and accessories for myself, husband and kids.  However, in all of my preparation, I kept hearing this inner voice saying to me, “Don’t do this Naima.  You know you’re NOT to do this.”  This began once I decided to have the party and continued throughout the preparation process and onto the day of the party.  Each time I heard this, I’d conveniently brush it off because I was determined to have this party. 

I continued to plan and prepare for the party.  I purchased and made costumes for everyone and was shopping in all the party stores for props.  I even went as far as to go to a Botanica, a “religious” store, to purchase black candles, weird jewelry to go with my costume along with strange items to help set the mood for the party.  Looking back now I see how incredibly low I had sunk in sin; so low as to betray my God in such a blatantly rebellious and disrespectful way.  I am humbled and thankful for God’s mercy and grace!

The day before the event, as I was hanging up the cobwebs, I heard it again, “Naima, do not have this party” and had a strong sense that God did not want me to do this, but again, being rebellious at the time, I brushed it off and tried to forget about it.  I tried to minimize the severity of my sins and rationalize or rather rational-lies that I wasn’t really doing wrong since I was doing this in the spirit of just having a good time.  It’s amazing how we can rational-lies our wrongs. 

On the day of the party, a lot of odd things took place within my household.  First, my body was all of a sudden under the weather, but I was determined to push through it.  Another thing is that my house was in disarray and utter chaos.  This wasn’t the usual chaos that comes with planning a party or event.  There was adversity and confusion in the air.  My children and my nieces and nephews couldn’t seem to get along, which then brought tension between me and my sister.  Yet, I was still determined to have this party.  I focused on having everything set for that night and continued to resist the inner voice warning me against the party as well as the strong sense that I was doing something really wrong in the eyes of God.    

As the day went on I felt increasingly worst from what I thought to be a cold so right before the party I had several shots of vodka—straight!  By the time the party started, I was drunk but still somewhat functional.  The house was turned into a tomb of terror and we even had eerie music playing in the background, mixed in with regular music so that everyone could dance.  My husband and I were together at the time and we were dancing together along with everyone else.  Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, both children and adults.  And then it happened.  All of a sudden I went down for a split second and got right back up, having bumped into the edge of one of my living room sofas.  I’m not sure if my leg gave out momentarily or if I tripped, but either way, I went down; however, I got back up so quick that hardly anyone noticed.  When I got back up I felt the need to sit down for a while so I told my husband that I was going to sit down in our bedroom for a while, then I encouraged him to continue having fun.  I went into my bedroom and sat on the bed, thinking to myself I just need a few and I’ll be fine.  I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, I am sweating really badly”, but I think I was too drunk to even wipe my face. 

My husband decided to go into the kitchen to get himself something to drink but something within him told him to go check on me.  When he opened the door he looked at me in shock and said, “Goodness, Babe, you’re bleeding!”  I was like, “Really?”  I had a gaping hole right above my right eye and didn’t even know it, and the perfuse sweating I was experiencing was actually blood running down my face.  My husband tried to control the bleeding then he called my father-in-law and we all rode to the hospital.  Once I reached the hospital and laid on the gurney, I passed out; then woke up at the time they were finished.  My husband assured me that they did a good job in stitching me and that he was with me the whole time.  I don’t think the reality of it all hit me yet.  I requested he help me off the gurney so I could go to the bathroom.  After using the bathroom and as I was washing my hands, I had seen where they had stitched me.  I stopped what I was doing and stood gazing in the mirror, still heavily intoxicated, saying aloud to myself, “I have stitches on my face.”  I repeated this several times.  Reality finally set in.  My mouth hit the floor and I was just surprised to see my face, and the fact that my skin tone is somewhat light made the black stitches stand out.  I felt like Frankenstein.  I know that’s a little melodramatic but back then that’s how I felt; as I was conceited and so incredibly vain.  Consequently, I was more concerned with how my face looked rather than grateful that I was even alive or saddened at the fact that I had greatly defied God—at least not initially.  Interestingly enough, though I was still very intoxicated, I knew without one shred of doubt that everything I experienced that day was a direct result of my disobedience and rebellion.  I then became remorseful and grateful that I was spared from what could’ve ended really badly.  Needless to say, I never tried doing that again.

That is my personal testimony.  I was so incredibly rebellious and self-centered back then and by the grace and mercy of God A LOT has changed since then.  I am NO longer the same person neither am I in that place.  Halleluiah!  The Bible says he who the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36); and Naima is free indeed.  I am completely sold out to Christ and my life is lived consecrated onto God.  I cannot express my gratitude to Christ for loving me and not letting me go.  I am happy to report that I am absolutely, hands down, crazy in love with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. 

I am sure I may have ridiculers who would like to judge what I’ve just shared.  To them I encourage to read Luke 7:36-50, the story about the sinful woman who anointed Jesus feet with expensive perfume after cleansing His feet with her tears and hair.  The religious people judged Jesus for allowing such a sinful woman touch Him, and Jesus responds:

Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”

Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”

“That’s right,” Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet.  You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”

Halleluiah! 

The Origins of Halloween

Introduction

Witches, Vampires, and bats are major icons of the holiday many love to celebrate. Like everything else, Halloween has origins, but because of tradition, many people have simply ignored questions about the peculiar day. Once learned, the origins of this greatly observed holiday may disturb a lot of people.

Origins

Halloween can be traced directly back to Samhain, the ancient Celtic harvest festival honoring the lord of the dead. The Celts, a tribal people who inhabited most of Western and Central Europe in the first millennium BC, practice a pagan religion know as Druidism. As Druids, they were well versed in astrology, magic, and the mysterious powers of the plants and animals. 

Samhain, now called Halloween, began at sundown on October 31 and extended into the following day. According to the Druids, the spirits of those who had died in the preceding year roamed the earth on Samhain evening. They lit bonfires and sacrificed fruits and vegetables, hoping to win the favor of the spirits of the deceased and to avoid their punishments. Along with the bonfires at sacred hilltop sites, they would perform rituals, often involving animal and human sacrifices, especially children, to honor Druid deities. On Samhain, it was believed by the Druids to be the day when the sun’s power waned, and the strength of the gods of darkness, winter, and the underworld grew great.

By the end of the 1^st century AD, the Holy Roman Empire had conquered most of the Celtic lands. In process of incorporating the Celts into their empire, the Romans adapted and absorbed some Celtic traditions as part of their own pagan and Catholic religious observances. In Britain, Romans blended local Samhain customs with their own pagan harvest festival honoring Pomona, goddess of fruit trees. Pure Celtic  influences lingered longer on the western fringes of Europe, especially in area that were never brought firmly under Roman control, such as Ireland, Scotland, and the Bretagne region people converted to Christianity during the early Middle Ages, a period that lasted from the 5^th to the 15^th century. The Roman Catholic Church often incorporated modified versions of the older religious traditions in order to win converts. For examples, Pope Gregory IV sought to replace Samhain with All Saints Day in 835. All Souls’ Day, closer in spirit to Samhain and modern Halloween, was first instituted at a French monastery in 998 and quickly spread throughout Europe. Folk observances liked to these Christian holidays, including Halloween, thus preserved many of the ancient Celtic customs associated with Samhain. Thought it was renamed from Samhain to All Saints’ Day to All Hallows’ Day to Halloween, it still holds association to its origin.

Closing Remarks

Please let it be known that none of the information given was from a personal perspective; but that all information was based on a variety of books and encyclopedias that can easily be obtained at your local library. The purpose of this article is to educate people about a holiday that holds dark origins—both then and now.

Sources:

• The Columbia Encyclopedia -5^th Edition
• The Encyclopedia Americana- International Edition –Vol. 13
• Man, Myth, and Magic- The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Mythology , Religion, and the Unknown – Vol. 3
• Holidays, Festivals, and Celebration of the World Dictionary -2^nd Edition- Edited by Helene Henderson and Sue Ellen Thompson
• The book of Festivals – Marguerite Ickis
• The Book of Holidays-J. Walker McSpadden
• Compton’s Encyclopedia- Volume 10
• Curious Customs- The Stories Behind 296 Popu8lar American Rituals – by Tad Tuleja
• Celtic Myths and Legends
• Early American Life – October 1 Charles Squire
• Celtic Sacred Landscapes by Nigel Pennick
• Microsoft Encarta Encyclodia992-v23 n5 p60
• Halloween’s Unholy Origins – by Julia Vitulio- Martin in Knight Ridder/ Tribune News

Service, Oct. 27, 1998 n300 p 1027k838

• Holiday Symbols 1998- Edited by Sue Ellen Thompson

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1. Delivered from the Hurt of Abuse and the Scars of Sin

My name is Michael, and I want you to know that freedom is not free, it may be free for you, but it was not free for Jesus Christ, He took the cross for your deliverance. Here is the testimony of my freedom and deliverance from homosexuality. God Bless You

My parents divorced when I was 3 years old, I never remember seeing my parents together. I lived with my mom untill I was 13 years old, when I was 13 my mom wanted to move out of town but she had signed some papers with my dad saying that she would never move me out of the county due to his visitation rights. So long story short, my mom packed up everybody but me, and moved away, leaving me with my porn addicted, alchoholic father who was still living with his parents. I felt so rejected I did not know what to do, I began to be severely depressed. After about 2 months of living with my father, he was placed in jail for looking at pornography on a pulic library computer, so I was left to live with my grandparents. I just could not figure out why my father would have taken that risk knowing that he could be taken away from me. I was hurt, and because I felt that there was no man in my life that loved me, homosexuality began to look like a really good decision. So at the age of 13 I had my first homosexual thought, and really enjoyed it. I remember slowly but surely becoming entrapped in the thoughts of my mind, untill my entire thought life had become a homosexual porn site, but when I tried to click the X at the top of the screen, nothing happened, so I just kept watching. Well my dad eventually got out of jail and married my stepmom who had a daughter. I went on to live with them, but things only got worse. My dad drove deep into alchohol, and porn. This time actually attempting to meet with the porn stars of the videos he loved, while I was put in 2nd place to them. I had to stand back and watch my father love pornography and alchohol more than me. While that computer got his upmost love and attention, I was left in the background only good enough to wash the dishes and do the chores around the house. When my mother found out that this was going on she allowed me to come and live with her again. When my mother found out about my homosexuality she set boundaries for me, telling me that I was not allowed to go to guys houses and stay the night, not allowed to be alone with a guy, etc…. Although she was doing this for my good, I became very rebellious and mean. So six months after moving in, my mom just could not take it anymore, and sent me packing back to my fathers house. By this time my redneck, homophobic father had found out about my sexuality and it was not good. There was more drinking, he would go through a gallon of rum every 3 or 4 days, and when I was’nt doing chores I was sitting in my room alone. He would ground me just for the sake of doing it, maybe the dishes were not done just right, or I walked in 5 minutes late from school. He wanted to punish me, not for those things, but because of my sexuality. This caused me to say “GOD WHERE ARE YOU, YOU MUST NOT LOVE ME, IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULD NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME, YOU WOULD TAKE THIS SEXUALITY OUT OF ME!” (God will never take sin out of you, you have to give it to him) And because of my anger towards God I not only dove deeper into my homosexual lifestyle, I began practicing witchcraft. I eventually attempted suicide, but thank God I failed in that attempt. But through all of this junk that I had going on in my life, God still reached out to me. My grandparents (my moms parents, not the ones you read about earlier) had been pastors for 33 years, and knew what I was going through, one day I recieved a call from them telling me that they loved me, and had been led by the Holy Spirit to allow me to come and live with them untill I graduated (this was at the end of my junior year) I immediately said YES!!! I was so excited that I was going to get out of my dad’s house, and stop living with him. I guess I just thought that because I was going to live with them that my homosexuality was just going to kind of drift away, but of course I was wrong. The day after I graduated my junior year, my grandma drove to my house to come and get me. I still remember to this day the excitement I had packing all my things into her car, and driving away from my cave of depression and anguish. That last year and a half that I lived with them, they did nothing but help me. I found it hard sometimes when they would constantly tell me that they loved me, because for the last 2 years of my life, I had not heard that hardly at all. They would say “Michael we are so proud of you” and I would say “thanks” not knowing how to react to such a love like this. But they persevered with me through all of my problems, through all of my rebellion. I made a decision to give up my disgusting lifestyle, but I just did not know how to do it. After I graduated High School, I worked full time to save up enough money to go to Texas Bible Institute, honestly going there I had no idea what I was getting into, I just knew that I wanted to get right with God. And I did. Jesus Christ became the X on the top of that porn site screen in my mind.  I learned that I could trade my sin for His righteousness. I learned that God was not mad at me, but He loved me unconditionally, regardless of my past. I am now 100% free from the bondage of Homosexuality and God is using me for great things. I have been called to the ministry of an evangelist and am now winning souls for Jesus. I also help any homosexual who has a desire to be free, to get free from there bondage. God has also healed my relationship with my father and mother. I love them both so much, and have forgiven them of all the things that hurt me in my past, and we have forgiven each other. My father is getting so much better and is growing closer to God, I continue to pray for Him, and my mother is an inspiration to my life, she loves God with all that is within her. If Jesus could use mud to heal a blind mans eyes, He can take me and use me for greatness. If you are reading this today understand that you are not set free for just you. You are set free for everybody else who needs freedom. Bondage is a choice, and Freedom is a choice, choose freedom.

Related posts:

1. Overcoming Homosexuality
2. From the D.L (Down Low) to the D.L. (Delivered Lifestyle)
3. Overcoming Masturbation

My Testimony of God’s Amazing Grace

By: Shelia Holcomb

Before I begin my testimony I feel it is important to give you some information on my childhood, so you will be better able to understand some of the decisions I made in my life, however good or bad they may have been. But every decision I have made during my lifetime good or bad is what has brought me to where I am now and I am very thankful for the mountains and the valleys.

When I was born my mother was only fifteen years old and now years later and after I went through the process of forgiving her and working through many things, I am now able to look at her life through her eyes to try to better understand how she must have felt. Someone gave me this advice when I was really struggling with all of this, I was told that maybe I could forgive easier if I try to see her life through her eyes and not the eyes of a hurt child, “you know what?” it worked, I can understand her more clearly now. She was not mature enough to take care of herself much less a baby. So she would send me here and there to whomever would willing to take me at that particular time, most of the time it was my grandmother, several times throughout my life she would decide that she wanted me back and she would come and uproot me again. I never really knew any stability in my life [although my grandmother tried] and I always felt as if no one really loved me or wanted me.

Then at the age of nine she came and got me and took me away from my grandmother which, really at this point of my life, was the only mother I had ever known and I was very attached to her. Anyway, my mother came and took me to Illinois where she lived, by this time she had remarried and she had two more children by her new husband. He hated me and the only reason I could figure out was simply that I was not his child. Now this was not my fault, although I did blame myself for many years. He started just physically abusing me, but at the age of nine that changed, he raped me and this abuse went on until I was thirteen and I finally told my mother [even though he threatened me that if I ever told anyone he would kill me and my grandmother], she didn’t believe me either, actually no one believed me. Finally I just let it drop and I buried all of those feelings of anger and hate for years, that has now all been dealt with and forgiven and now it is all under the precious blood of Jesus, I have even forgiven him for what he did to me in the Lord’s strength not my own. Praise God! I told my mother that I wanted to go back to Memphis to live with my grandmother and she consented just because she felt I was causing so much trouble and she did not want to be bothered.

Now my grandmother was now also remarried and I resented him for taking her away from me too. You must remember I was only a child and I felt like she was all I had and now I had lost her too. I was very hateful to him and caused so many problems, he was very kind and loving to me but I just could not accept what he was offering to me. My grandmother finally after a long struggle went to the courts and told the judge that I was out of control and they just could not handle me any longer, so they removed me and placed me in a foster home, the home I went to was wonderful, but at that time I could not see things clearly, all I could see was that the only person who should love me had now turned her back on me as well, I just wanted my grandmother so, I ran away. The courts then really called my bluff, so as a ward of the State of Tennessee I was placed in a Catholic all girls reform school for three and a half years, even our pet Saint Bernard was female LOL. Now as I look back, I can honestly say it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. But at that time all I could see was that I was totally alone, unloved and unwanted in this great big world.

Now I will jump ahead some. In 1987 I lost my three children to their father [not in the courts he just merely took them and left the state without my knowledge or consent] and I totally lost it. I turned heavily to alcohol and eventually that turned into crack and cocaine. By this time I had lost everything including my dignity as I had turned to prostitution to support my drug habit. I was arrested several times on various charges, but I was never convicted and I never served any time, I know that God was taking care of me even back then in my sin, He saw what I would be one day in Him. I give GOD all the PRAISE, HONOR AND GLORY for all that I am today and all that I will be.

The drugs and my roaming had taken me too many places but on December 20, 1990 I came across a man that told me about Jesus and how He could deliver me and make my life an example to others. I had not eaten in a couple of days and he asked me if I was hungry, so he took me to a restaurant and bought me something to eat. The entire time he shared about Jesus Christ with me. He told me Christ could and would set me free if I was willing, and how He (Jesus), would give me a new life without all the pain and turmoil I was living in. Of course being a Christian does not eliminate us from pain, trials and tribulation but with Christ in our hearts He will give us the strength to overcome and withstand even in the worst times. I began sharing my life story with this man and he still said Jesus is the answer, and boy was he right. Right there I gave my heart to the Lord and I decided to live for Him and serve Him for the rest of my life.

I began singing at the age of five, but I had destroyed my voice through drug abuse, I just abused the gifts that God had given me. So I prayed and told the Lord that if He would heal and restore my voice I would use this gift for His glory for the rest of my life. Now, God has done exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could ask or think. The songs that I sing and others that I have written they are all His I am only an instrument holding the pen. It does not matter where you are, Christ will come to you and meet you if, you are willing to let your life go and let Him be God of and in your life.
I have had so many miracles in my Christian life as I am a walking miracle myself. But one of these miracles of a physical healing really stands out to me and I would like to share this with you as well. Around 2001 I was diagnosed with an incurable bowel condition, the doctors were not really sure what it was exactly, but they had come to the conclusion that with ulcers all through my body and many in my bowel system, they said they wanted to do surgery and remove a part of my bowel. My reply was that I wanted to get prayer for this and that I believed that God was going to heal me and I would not need the surgery at all. They went ahead and scheduled me for another scope the following week, just a few days after Christmas. Then on Christmas Eve I placed a long distance call to a minister friend of mine and asked him to pray for me, he said no problem but he would need to call me back in a few minutes. While waiting for him to call back I surrounded myself with God’s word and actually knelt on the Bible to show God that I believed His word and was claiming His promise of healing. When my friend called me back I knelt on the bible said, “Pray”. When he prayed for me the fire of God hit me and went through me, I had such a peace come over me. I went over to my bed and fell asleep (now Adam was put into a deep sleep in Genesis when God removed the rib to create woman) God did the same for me as I lay there sleeping He performed surgery on me to heal my body. I slept for seventeen hours and when I woke the bleeding had stopped and so had the pain, I knew without a doubt that I was healed by the precious hand of the Great Physician. I was on about $400.00 worth of medicine a month and I went into the kitchen and threw it all in the trash. I did go back for the scope when I was scheduled and the doctors were amazed there were no ulcers anywhere and I just praised God for His healing power.

I am now an ordained minister and I love and serve God with all that I have. I know God has called me into the ministry to help others overcome and learn and grow in Him. I am also now a southern gospel singer\songwriter. The Lord has blessed me and I will continue on this road He has placed me on for my desire is only to serve Him. I will travel anywhere I am invited to give my testimony or to sing or both. God is wonderful and it is to His glory that I am writing this, if one soul is reached in anyway then this is worth everything.

As far as my family and children I thought I would just share this information on my children as our family continues to grow. And this is how my relationship is now with my children and grandchildren.
My oldest daughter, Chrystina’h is married to Adam; they have three beautiful children, one boy Attisyn is 8, Charysma’h is 4 and Kaelyn is 2. They live in Ontario, Canada and I am now living in Canada very close to them and I am enjoying it very much.

My son is my middle child, Jackson he is divorced and living in Mississippi he has four children Benjamin 7, Raygen who is 5, Larissa is 3, and Rayne who is 2.

My youngest child, Karina’h is married to Josh, she two daughters Alissa 8, Jasmine 8, Alexis 7, they have a son Brayson who was born in May 2007 and we are very excited that they have a new addition Jayden born May 2009. They also live in Mississippi.

Again I cannot stress enough that this is for the glory of God that I am here and that my life is what it is today, for without Christ I am nothing, but through Him I am a joint heir with Jesus Christ. He is our Deliverer, Savior, Helper, and Healer and any problem we may have is never too great or to small for Him, we just have to take it to Him and leave it at His feet and in His care. I thank God with all my heart because I know without a doubt that His power is still healing, still saving and still delivering. He is good all the time. I have made my mistakes but His grace is sufficient. God loves us and if we truly repent and confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If I can help anyone out there, please contact me with the information provided below and I will do my best to help in anyway I can. If you have questions about loved ones who may be on drugs or other addictions I will try to answer your questions, if I do not know the answer I will do my best to find the answer for you. If you have loved ones that you need prayer for I will gladly join you in agreeing for that person for the Kingdom, just email me with the information so I can be in prayer daily for you and/or your family members and/or friends. Please always remember we are human and we will make mistakes but just confess to God those mistakes and get them under the blood of Jesus as soon as possible, God still loves us and He will help us in all of our situations. He will always come down to our level and help us to reach up to His level no matter what you call out His name for; He is there and WILL HELP YOU!

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL. I GIVE FULL PERMISSION TO ANYONE WHO CAN USE THIS TESTIMONY TO COPY IT AND GIVE IT OUT OR TO SHARE IT PUBLICALLY, BUT PLEASE GIVE ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE TO GOD. THANK YOU. I AM YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST JESUS.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 and he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

If any of you wish to contact me, please feel free to do with the following information:
Shelia Holcomb
hisgraceissufficientrev@live.com
http://www.runboard.com/bgodshandinmineministries

Related posts:

1. My Testimony
2. God’s Deliverance and Healing Power
3. Overcoming Masturbation

Today I woke up and professed my love for the lord. I also asked the lord to show me why I loved him so much. I then I had a vision of Christ nailed to the cross. I said, “ I love you God, for Jesus Christ my Lord and savior”. I Began rejoicing, and carried on with my day. Less than an hour later as im driving the busy highways on my route to work, an episode of my life replayed in my mind.

On New Years Eve, a friend and I attended a devilish celebration in hollywood california. Oh how good our flesh felt to be amongst these celebrity spirits of lust, alcohol, drugs, worldly music and temptation. We danced and pranced in the presence of the Devils spirit’s. His faithful servants gave us food, alcohol, gifts and the best chronic the doctor could prescribe.

As the party came to a close, my friend and I continued on to entice the hearts of men, with our walk, talk, seductive attire and behavior. I selfishly vowed to myself to be home by sunrise, only because it was uncomfortable to try and sleep while the sun was coming up.

How we laughed, smiled and glorified such a wonderful dark evening. As soon as we reached the car, the reality of driving home set in. All of a sudden, friend became more intoxicated then she had been all night. So driving than became my responsibility.

Gas, Coffee and a loud Sinful songs was all I thought I needed to get home safely. An extremely thick fog fell to the ground out of know where; making it nearly impossible to see 10 feet into my traveling future. I pushed the petal to the floor as I drove the hollywood freeway south bound, to the 10 eastward. The loud music wasn’t keeping my eyes from becoming extra heavy. Friend wasn’t awake to excite me about the journey of our night. The coffee just made me sleepy. I began to drift in and out of a conscience and unconscious alertness. I was so tiered, it seemed almost impossible to keep my eyes open.It wasn’t long before I was sleep behind the wheel of my car. Something scared me! Something shook me up! I opened my eyes and gasped for a deep breath of air. Jerked my steering wheel to the right to dodge an over turned car sitting belly up. That car seemed to just be sitting there waiting on our impact followed by explosion. There was no hazard light blinking, or flair lights going . Know one was even around, except a mighty God who kept his hand on a disobedient child. A Mighty God, who never sleeps nor slumbers.

That night friend and I were speared, only through the good grace and mercy of the Lord my God. Im here today as a living testament of God, his love & mercy is so real. I wish I could tell you; I went to church that Sunday and turned my life over completely, but it didn’t happen that way. However, ever time I read this testament or speak of it to someone else, I indeed know why I love My GOD !!! Where would I be if GOD decided to wonder out of my life, as I wondered away from him? How many hearts would I have hurt based on my disobedience and selfishness?

It was proposed to me , to asked GOD, “WHY DO I LOVE YOU LORD” ? It was surely advised to be prepared for a heavy vision or word from him. I thanked my Lucky stars that early morning. I went home happy that beat the sunrise and happy that I cheated death (So I thought). Up until the day I wrote this, did I realize I was cheating GOD and Myself, and the Devil was surly out to cheat me. What a revelation! It brought tears to my eyes. I found a knew wisdom & knowledge here at “LIFE WAY CHURCH”. Everyday I thank GOD for such a deliverance. GOD is worthy of all the praise and priority in my life. I encourage you to ask GOD to reveal why you should love him ? You’ll see life differently. It will never look and feel the same again !!!

PRAISE GOD

Adelene-Paige Henderson

New Member of LIFE WAY CHURCH

No related posts.

FROM THE UNIMAGINABLE

If there was one thing throughout my life that I actually believed in, it was ” bad luck”, as I’ve definitely had my share of it , however what I’m about to tell you, if you’re willing to listen, may change the direction of your life forever, and the testimony of my own extraordinary night and day differences should be enough to convince you that, if you’re truly sincere, there is a way out, and it’s all about Jesus ! At fifty-two years of age , five years ago the bible was just another book to me, and Jesus was a fantasy of the imagination, now they are my sustaining lifelines !!! So to answer your question…why would I now tell you about the transforming grace of Jesus , rest assuredly, I will never forget where I came from, as my soul and life has literally been drenched in human suffering, as it played itself out in the very pits of hell . I don’t care how weak you may think you are in mind and body, when you call upon the strength of Jesus, regardless of what Satan has thrown your way, you will prove to be of superior power. We seldom, if ever consider the heights we could reach, but having tried everything else, and rather than just giving up on yourself, allow God to control your every step and believe me when I tell you, that by the merits of Jesus Christ, you would be lifted out of your depraved state and made more precious that any treasure. How can I be so sure… I have went from crippling impossibilities, to living realities !!! The main purpose behind any form of miracle was to get people to understand that God had something He wanted to say… With God all things are possible–Matthew 19: 26 Never within my sorrowful life was there anything that would substantiate my being a man of great wisdom, nor was there any indication that my life was destined for anything other that misery and suffering, as within its first forty years, it had certainly played itself out in the pits of hell. Of my own resources I could never, ever have changed the course of my destructive life, although without unquestionable dispute, I am a living testimony that our Lord Jesus does in fact hear our cry of help, and it does not matter whether this plea was one of faith or unbelief, as the two walk hand in hand. As long you allow yourself to be molded by the Grace of the Holy Spirit, God will heal and restore all the broken pockets of your life to heights greater than their original state. My own perception of my very existence could be tragically summed up within the following metaphor : ” For a moment, try to imagine during the beginning stages of your life being abandoned in the middle of a raging sea, left alone without the benefit of even a life preserver. Each of my years had brought its own thundering wave crashing down upon me, threatening to swallow me in its darkest depth. With an unexplainable willpower, I battled each treacherous wave. In reaching its peak and briefly catching my breath as I aimlessly drifted into the next unknown valley. I’m once again drawn into an unrestrained despair, longing for my life to end, as on the horizon I see the next hideous wave approaching with a terrifying ferociousness. Through many years of painful reflection, I’ve come to understand with a clearer appreciation, that something far greater than anything within myself, had not only kept me afloat, but instilled within me a persistent and determined desire to rise above anything life had to offer. ” Throughout my life there always seemed to be a great instability, as a direct result of parental abandonment, as my they placed their own selfish wants and need above that of their children. As a result a deep rooted dysfunctional insecurity ingrained itself into my personality. At fifteen years old I began my thirty-five year battle with chronic alcoholism, one year later I embarked on a life of crime, prison survival, and violence that spanned the next twenty years, of which fourteen were spent in various prisons across Canada. At twenty-nine years of age I became a narcotic drug addict, which I battled for twelve years. If such a life wasn’t in itself enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, buckle your seat belt, as it gets worse. In 1995, as a result of my addictions and unpredictability, I was told that I had contracted the deadly HIV infection, and that my life would be very short- lived . Twelve years have now passed since that devastating diagnosis, and as I am writing these very powerful words, without any hesitancy, beyond a shadow of a doubt, or a murmur of uncertainty, I know that Jesus Himself delivered me to Emmanuel Pentecostal church to be baptized in His name !!! Yes the reality clearly now exists within my mind, that my life before its conception, to this very moment in time, had been pre-orchestrated for a specific and meaningful purpose. God whose very breath and word created the universe, just as He spoke to Abram in Genesis 12: 2-3, And I will make of thee a great nation and I will bless thee, and make thy name great, and thou shalt be a blessing…these same promises have always been available to any of us… Within the shipwreck of my life, you could have never convinced me that my name could possibly be great, or that I would be a blessing to anyone. However to me these words go beyond human expression, and should eternally be a tender endearment, inscribed upon our hearts. Each time I read them the indestructible nature and resilient power of God’s own spoken words leap in a thunderous roar from the page, embracing my soul within a merciful reminder of His amazing Sovereignty…”No one but God could make such a promise, no one but God Almighty could deliver such a promise, but more importantly, no one but God Himself could enforce such a promise.” Luke 18:27…The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. The Apostles of the bible introduced an era of revelation, although before they could become spokesmen within their written words, God had to first authenticate them as such. He gave them the power to do supernatural things in order that people might know that these men were of God, and that they spoke the truth..When I talk of miracles, its not about parting the Red Sea, then again when you take thirty-five years of horrific alcoholism, and just wake up one day and have that noose completely taken away, its a miracle of divine proportions. By itself, this could perhaps be dismissed as lucky, however when you add to that clean slate twenty-five years of ingrained criminality, the incarcerations which were like my second home, the drug addiction and the incurable HIV infection, all wiped clean as though they never existed, washed clean by the blood of Jesus !!! When your heart meditates upon God, you will remain victorious, for no evil can destroy your peace, as all the promises of God’s written word, all the power of His divine grace, and all of heaven itself are pledged to secure your deliverance, I don’t need any authentication to realize that God within His glory is using the circumstances of my shattered and tormented life as a further means of restoring the blind to sight… The first time I entered a church, for the longest time it sounded as though the preacher was trying to sell me an elusive map, which I definitely now know is not the case. It’s only when you first look deep within yourself, that you’ll come to understand that all those night and day differences within your own life, are the map he’s talking about, and that you within their definitions, are the immeasurable treasure. Once fully explored, the possibilities of the unknown will be awakened, and you to will begin to realize the unlimited realities within the world of the impossible. It’s there that you’ll begin to find that undeniable faith. The bible reveals our true nature, for as clearly stated in Romans 3 : 10 and 23…There are none righteous, no not one…For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We have all broken God’s laws and have not even done the best we can…Jesus came to not only bring us a new life, but by His example show us how to have it. In John 10 : 10 Jesus Himself said…I am come that they might have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. When you receive the life that only Jesus can give you, its what being born again is all about. The first great truth you must open your eyes to, are found in the words of the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 6-verses ,11, and 12. 11 Put on the whole Armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. An undeniable fact, these words come from the greatest champion religion has ever known, yet his own life’s journey began as its fiercest opponent, his sole purpose was to extinguish any and all existence of religion from the face of the planet. From the moment God stopped Paul on the Damascus Road, his life was transformed by Grace instantaneously, he went from a murderous persecutor, to that of a meekly priest… His eyes had finally been opened to the deceptions played upon humanity. His message is very clear, there’s a war going on, and it’s got nothing to do with the things that are seen, but rather the unseen Spiritual warfare, that’s been going on from the moment Satan was cast out of Heaven. He introduced sin, and don’t be fooled, “sin will and has taken us places we’ve never dreamed of !!! “ By sin we are lured into a captivity unimaginable, by which Satan continues to rob us of our Christian experience, as his greatest fear is that we should realize the greatness we were destined for, as we were created in the image of God… Jesus Himself was Divinity manifested in the flesh, He came to give us back what Satan had stolen,” our immortal crown of eternity”. Just before He died on that cross for us, His words were meant as a final clue and warning against Satan’s deceptions. Imagine in view of all the miracles He performed, and after He was persecuted, mocked, tortured and hung on a cross to die, which by the way He predicted !!! Speaking directly to the Father in heaven He said ” Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” Luke 23 : verse 34. Jesus alone understood how man throughout the ages had been deceived into murmuring against God, and filled with clouds of unbelief. So great, cunning and alluring was this deception that it collectively blinded not ten, a thousand, or ten thousand people, but rather a whole nation…Having been miraculously freed from hundreds of years of opressed bondage, delivered to safety through the parted Red Sea into the promised land, they still rebelled against God. They understandably had a hard time in trusting things unseen or unknown… As a result God manifested Himself in the flesh as Jesus and came to dwell with us, so that we could not only find, but make peace with God….You decide for yourself… the religious establishment of His day refused to believe that He was the son of God , yet as He had predicted His own death, burial and resurrection , they went to a lot of trouble in disproving His claims. First they made sure He was dead on that cross , then placed Him in a tomb with a two thousand pound rock sealing off the entrance. As an extra precaution they then had teams of roman solider’s guarding the tomb around the clock, on the threat of death, should someone steal the body. What do you think they’re response was on the third day when the stone had been rolled away, and all that remained in the tomb, neatly folded were the clothes that Jesus had been buried in. They didn’t send out any search party, or raise a big stink, for in their hearts they knew that they had crucified God in the flesh .When He arose from that grave, He triumphed over all sin and death itself, Firstly its only through reflection of our own tragic lives, that the beginning stages of being born again as described by Jesus begin…”Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God…Ye must be born again” John 3:3, and 7. Before we can grasp the significance of these words, we must first understand that as a result of our present condition, we are alienated from the life of God, as not having a life, and as stated in Ephesians 2:1 and again in 4:18, just as a body without physical life is declared dead, so then is any person seperated from the life of God described as spiritually dead. When you call upon Jesus in true repentance, the everlasting arms of heaven will embrace your soul, as angels will be by your side.You too now can have total freedom from all bondage and its found in the following passage.. Acts 2:38….Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ, for the remissions of sins and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

TO THE EXTRAORDINARY

Faith in its most simplistic nature has always been within our grasp, and the key to unlocking its mystery lies within these very words. ” In order to have a faith, you must first have a belief, to have a belief there must first be an acknowledgement of a higher power, some supernatural force greater than yourself, guiding the very steps of your life, and there’s only one way of grasping that acknowledgement. Our most painful journey, which I just cannot stress enough will be that one of internal reflection, especially more so in terms of a destructive life, for its there that the very foundations of change or growth of any kind must first begin. Its when you look to those however brief, yet extraordinary night and day differences within your own life, that you will begin to understand that its in those moments that the spiritual world meets the physical…” I have faced many obstacles throughout my life, and none of it until I looked back in reflection mattered ! Not the twenty-five years of criminality , not the fourteen years I spent in prison, nor the thirty-five years of alcoholism , or the twelve years within a narcotic drug addiction. All of this made my life very complicated, however to understand the true nature of un impenetrable and seemingly un reversible hardships, add to the already incomprehensible horrors of my life, the devastating and incurable HIV infection, which on three separate occasions, having come out of remission, threatened to extinguish my very life, and then you begin to understand, that in light of everything, even if I had wanted to change the course of my destructive life, this in itself proved to be a human impossibility! Of my own understanding, it was never a question of how I was going to turn my life around, but rather where would it end ! I have truly been blessed with a new heart, which is to have a new mind, new purposes and new motives, however the most noticeable sign of a new heart, is a changed life ! The Lord shall deliver me from every evil work…2 Timothy 4: 18. Nothing mattered more than trying to understand the Why, or more specifically, What had for most of my life, left me colder than that iceberg that sank the Titanic. Definitely through my writing, but more so within the struggles of positive changes, that in themselves can only be attributed to to that of Divine Intervention, I have faced and came to terms with my most paralyzing fears, unraveling the mysteries of my tormented life. In order to truly understand the why, one must first fully explore the often painful, yet complicated paradoxes between our tormented yesterdays, combined with the struggles of today, for its within our past and present that we will find the answers to a more successful tomorrow. The powerful transformations within God’s Majestic molding process began in 1997, my fortieth year. It was a time when my life had literally lost all its meaning, and it was while in serious thoughts of self extinction, that I had somehow for the first time found the courage to ask God for a miracle…It’s very strange that I would make such a request, as I had never throughout embraced a true faith or belief, and wasn’t sure if I was even capable of ever doing this, as within my life there never existed a hope that could have been extinguished. Almost from my birth my mind had been a continual habitation of one demon or another, where the very real powers and principalities of darkness themselves have manipulated my life like a puppet on a string. It has only been through deep reflection, while exploring the complicated and entwined paradoxes that made up my life, between the issues of right and wrong, to distinguishing reality from the painted illusions I had created within this complex puzzle which represented my mind, that the evidence clearly now in my mind manifests itself. Christ within the helplessness of my circumstances had patiently carried me, and it did not matter whether it was in faith or unbelief, He was waiting for my cry of help, which would “ignite that unknown spark of hope with a fierce and persistent determination. ” In the bible, the book of Ezekiel, chapter thirty-seven tells about a valley full of dry bones, where God himself Ezekiel if he believes whether, He Lord God can bring those bones back to life!!! Our very own lives, whether viewed through the hardships of our circumstances, or through those suffocating nooses of crippling addictions and devastating illnesses, represent that very same valley of dry bones. The questions we must often find ourselves in need of an answer are; can our faith allow us to believe that God can restore our dry bones back to life? Where does this faith come and how does one get it! Rest assured, entertaining the reality of God within your life, is not an exercise of futility ! How can I be sure of this? From that very moment ten years ago, in my own brokenness and unbelief when I called upon the Lord, God has miraculously blessed my life many times, while continuously tapping me on the shoulder trying to capture my attention, and until a year ago, I didn’t even know it. As with anything in this life, nothing comes easy, to be successful there is a progression of events within that process, and this as well includes entering the kingdom of Heaven. As my words come from a heart that was once encrusted within layers of hardened callousness, I empathetically understand that it’s easier said than done, when I ask you to believe that not only is faith in itself is a powerful gift of transforming grace, but that within us there exists an awesome God, who can and will restore all the shattered pieces of our lives… Throughout my life all the signs of divine intervention had always been present, from crippling addictions, to the night and day differences of positive changes. Amidst it all, I walked within the shadows of death itself, where failure almost always appeared as a welcomed luxury, as I continually wrestled with the incurable, yet devastating hardship of the HIV infection, which threatened on many fronts to extinguish my very life. Whether I was in search of this faith, or inadvertently running away from it, ten long years had passed before I was to grasp the significance, and very reverence of divine intervention, and the role it’s played in my life. This supernatural, yet mystical force that in its Supremacy, as I’ve now come to understand and accept it, is God on the Throne, had not abandoned me, but instead embraced me within His merciful tenderness, and continued within His graceful beauty, to transform a life that was all but lost…

When considering the very real miracles of God,I would never within the mathematical impossibilities of the blessed miracles that have taken place throughout my life, try and convince anyone that God has chosen me with some specific purpose. However what began in 1997, could in itself have been the beginning of the certification or authentication process?Twenty-five years of criminality-gone, twelve years of narcotic drug addiction-gone, although it took an additional seven years, thirty-five years of suffocating alcoholism-finally in 2004-gone and forty years of smoking-in November of 2006, I just gave it to God and haven’t had a puff since. Incredible, however this is just the tip of the iceberg. As a direct result of sharing needles, in 1991 I contracted the HIV virus. However since 1997, I have had three diagnosis of my HIV infection progressing to its final stages, meaning that I was in the process of dying, the last diagnosis being three years ago. Six months ago, that same administration, as I have consistently remained undetectable while on the anti-viral therapy, told me that 99%, there is no HIV in my body, God has delivered me from crippling impossibilities, to living realities…However the significance of my testimony is not in the process of my journey, but rather the undisputable Authentication process of God’s presence guiding my steps, which in essence started ten years ago, and I’m only now just becoming aware of it.
Every aspect of my life, from its conception to this very moment in time, each and every directional step I have taken, has been pre-orchestrated by God Himself, for His everlasting glory, and I never until recently had any knowledge of it. At fifty one years of age, I don’t know nothing about nothing, I have never had visitations, visions or conversations with God, I’m not even sure if I know how to pray, I was only baptized a year ago. Yet and however, when in closer inspection and reflection of all the extraordinary night and day differences within my life, God was not only showing me things, He was continually talking to me, and until recently I was blind to it all. Again however there exists a clear and unmistaken distinctionable paradox to my life. On one hand, within a quick reflectional glance, it seems as though my life, in those issues of sexual abuse, which occurred during my earliest childhood memories, within an innocent purity, to those of abandonment, dysfunctionalism, criminality, incarcerations, followed by the hardships of suffocating addictions, and the emotional paralysis due to an incurable and devastating life threatening illness, made my life one of immeasurable complexities. However in a broader sense, my life when viewed within each individualistic night and day difference, through the course of its journey, within its most simplistic nature, in which a child as if watching a mythical story book enchantment unfold itself, could easily comprehend. Clearly to those that have a spirit of discernment, the presence of the Holy Spirit is distinctly seen, charting each step of my life, towards God’s Destination…

What is the significance and purpose of my life, I wish I could answer that with a definite certainty, however as I’m unraveling the mysteries between a shattered life, and the miraculous transformation process, within this progressional perfection towards the Glory of Christ, I myself am drawn in an un containable Reverent Awe to the presence of God. There are several instances throughout the bible, where God has taken an absolute nobody and made them a blessing to others, if anything, I was a nobody, I never knew God, and if I did, my understanding was lost in complete disillusionment, even now in a newness of life, I am only beginning to but understand the Sovereignty of God. It wasn’t a fluke or a mistake or coincidence that in exactly my fortieth year, I asked God to step in. He did just that With hammer and chisel and began the wonderful molding process, however He knew that it would be no easy task, as never before imagined” No Obstacle Too Great”, within all of its weaknesses and insecurities, in all of its personal persecutions and trials, through all the hardships and sorrows. The final treacherous wave of despair, which began to pull me under, was in being told that my HIV infection was progressing to its final stages, as in this my death was then inevitable, although I had faced many obstacles throughout my life, this was one beyond my immediate comprehension and strength, nor was I willing to face it, a drug overdose seemed now to be my best plan of escape from a life of continuous misery. As each new page within the chronicles of my life unfolds itself, I leave my sorid past behind, to venture towards a greater destination, as never before imagined.What had appeared to be a hope beyond hope itself, was in reality a journey to the Glory of God… I am neither a learned man, nor educated , however my following words are in themselves irrefutable, as my very existence through the furnaces of affliction, are evidences of God’s miracles…I have with great interest and with many reservations read many articles regarding, what could only be deemed to be attacks upon the charasmatic movements, and most of what I read shows me the blindness, or rather the deceptions of Satan himself. There are two side to my contentions: firstly Moses led a nation out of Egypt, who themselves witnessed Miracles of God, yet collectively and unanimously Satan was able to influence them all to rebel, and doubt God-A whole nation??…How great then is his power against one lost soul!!!I not so much rebuke him, as he’s kind of gotten used to that, I love to continuously remind him of his future, which is just around the corner, He runs from me :]] Amen. According to the articles I had read, Miracles were performed then, within the supernatural events that preceeded them, well lets get our heads out of the ostrich hole. If in these perilous times there is one thing all relegions can collectively and unanimously agree upon, we are on the threshold of a Prohpetic supernatural event ,which is the Second Coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Everyone is entittled to an opinion, and truthfully speaking, most denominations today within their own beliefs and Doctrine’s, have adopted their own intrepretations as to Eternal truths. However one must be in careful consideration when chosing words that would judge, or critisize, therefore leaving a stain upon one’s character, lest it be their own…At 51 years old, I was baptized a year ago, in what could only be considered to constitute a Divine Intervention by God Himself. Believe me I have neither the inclination, nor the desire to darken anyone’s character or credibility, however what I am about to tell you could be attributed to God Himself.

One could say that within a newness of life, in its beginning stages, one’s eye’s are barely opening, well mine are as wide as plates, and my appetite is that of an elephant. I have nothing against Preachers, especially those of a bible thumping nature, as they are less concerned about the eloquence of words within the delivery of their sermon, they rely very little on educated degree’s, or theological principles. Their main objective is to portray God’s glory from within the scriptures. I don’t care how many books someone has read or written, I put little faith in degree’s or doctorial certificates, as there is nothing more powerful as to the lasting impact and influence, be it upon individual or a nation, than a personal experience within the overcoming of unimaginable hardships.

As to the Charismatic movement, and that of an Apostolic nature…There is not a denomination in existence that hasn’t made such claims of God working miracles through them, and most come with great disappointment, However this I do know. I entered my first church 4 years ago, and for three years I sat like gum on a pew, basically it was a dead church, which is one where there is no spiritual growth. How can I be so sure…In the three years that I was there, only were two people baptized, when finally within my own intrepretations of the book of Romans, I asked to be baptized and was told they’d have a meeting about it, ok, what did I know. However God had a different plan….

In what can only be described as a one in a billion chance meeting, a supernatural event occured. In a line up one day I find myself talking about my life to this woman, whom I’ve never met. I mentioned that I was going to get baptized and she literally lit up like a lighthouse, she was overjoyed, overwhelmed and wanted to know when. I told her they were having a meeting, and her heart sank. What she told me about God in the next hour made more sense than those three years in church. Regarding the rites and importance of baptism, she assured me her church would do this right away, I didn’t have to be a member, I didn’t have to be anything ,but willing to accept Jesus as my personal Savior, I didn’t even have to ever come back. Within the first six months over a hundred people were baptized. After two months, in what can only be described as life long friendship, we discovered that she was my neighbour 35 years ago, the reason I didn’t know her was she was just a baby in a crib…Wow

For forty years the pits of hell were the playground of my existience. The battles I fought were within issues of sexual abuse, parental abandonment, almost twenty-five years of criminality, fourteen years of imprisonment, twelve years of drug addiction, and thirty-five years of alcoholism. If this wasn’t in itself enough to shake the confidence of the bravest and strongest warrior, before I could even attempt to pick up the shattered pieces of my life, it had to get worse ! As a direct result of sharing needles, I contracted the devastating and incurable HIV virus, and was told that my life expectancy was to be very short-lived…it seemed at this point that my life was coming to an end, for I needed a hope beyond all hope, and even in that moment, twelve years ago, if I were to in fact have grasped a Christian faith, would it have been enough, within a life of continual failure, to sustain the spears of discouragement that would have daily hammered away at me, as if fired from a machine gun ? Tell me, when standing in the abyss of darkness, how ?? could it be possible, to cling to an unseen and unknown faith !!!

God did deliver me, and my point is that miracles happen each and everyday, and as long as we have preachers who would rather hear themselves preach textbook theology, than introduce God’s living testimonies that sit silently like gum on their pews, we will never know about them.

Individually, “from the moment we ask God for something, and to the fufillment of that promise, if we allow for even a breath of time to pass by, we have lost the promise to the deceptions of Satan, we must never faulter from our solid foundation, being the solid rock of Jesus. God’s spoken words are the promise, He is the creator of all things, heavens and earth move, stand still, or tremble at the sound of His voice.

I’m not sure if any of this repeats itself, just sending you some reading material, enjoy Although I’m in a complete newness of life, I feel that in this day and age, it is imperative within our responsibilities of soul wining that as Saints of God, we be in one accord. How do we do this? Look not within the misdirection of judgementalism, or criticism, which are clearly not things of God, look instead to our bonds of commonality.I find that church’s of today, are in their stubbornness like little children, who have all read the same book, but want their interpretations to be the truth.heh heh, “what if we are all right within certain aspects of our beliefs. Yes there are stains on the canvas of God’s tapestry, but the truth or an eye opening revelation is to be found in my previous statement; we are on the same page, as we are reading from the same book. Those that praise the name of Jesus through His written word-the Holy Bible, are for all intents and purposes, in one accord. I’m not defending Apostolic Charismatics in any way, for again we are looking for Eternal Truths, however all denominations I’m sure, have had their share of counterfeits. Anyone, especially someone within an educated stature of degree’s behind them, and placed in positions where their words could certainly leave an influential impression, should be in a careful consideration when choosing words that would judge, or criticize others, which could certainly leave a stain upon one’s character, lest it be their own…At 51 years old, I was baptized a year ago, in what could only be considered to constitute a Divine Intervention by God Himself. Believe me I have neither the inclination, nor the desire to darken anyone’s character or credibility, however what I am about to tell you could be attributed to God Himself. Please understand that my comments originate from my complex nature. I value above all else, character traits of sincerity, passion, desire and commitment. When within my old nature, I was what I was, when I became a Christian, I sincerely adopted Christianity as my nature, in that I believed I was a Christian, in the Kingdom of God, all my life its been that way,there is no half measure, its all or nothing. That first church I was in, the pastor said something andI’m still in shock that a man of faith, would allow such thoughts to enter his head, let alone come out of his mouth…Three times I was told of dying from the insufferable HIV infection, since the last diagnosis three years ago, in taking the toxic anti-viral medications, I too this day remain undetectable, with absolutely no side effects, as a result of the drugs. God is good :}. Two months ago that same administration tells me, that 99%, there is no HIV in my body. As this to many would understandably be unbelievable, its completely true. I’ll tell you the story of this Miracle as we go along. In excitement I tell the pastor this incredible news, and he matter of factly hits me with not as expected praises to the Lord, but instead, oh is that the story they are sticking too. In that instance, I’m wondering if I’m in a church or a mortuary, Where’s that expected unbridled faith?? No wonder that in three years, only two people got baptized, with such men behind the pulpit, it would be easier to swim the Atlantic, than it would in grasping a faith…One thing about me, I speak from personal experience, and I will not lie, many talk the talk, but I actually walk the talk. I had read an article concerning Charismatics claiming Apostolic gifts. The speaker was adamant that ” miracles were always associated with the certification of those of who were giving us God’s revelation. In further consideration of the article, as I re-read certain passages several times, a deeper appreciation of his words embraced me, as according to him, Miracles authenticated the Messengers of revelation, the breath of this very statement thundered at me from the page I was reading, for nothing about my life could be considered anything less than Miracles of a Divine nature. Wow, The Apostles introduced an era of revelation. However before they could become Spokesmen within their written words, God had to first authenticate them as such, so He gave them the power to do supernatural things in order that people might know that these men were of God who speak the truth. God creates miracles so that the people would listen to the Word and see it as His truth, miracles are designed to call attention to a certain revelation. However the main purpose behind miracles was to get people to understand that God had something to say! They are a sign for those who do not believe, for those who need to see that this is God’s Word. Whether you are talking about tongues or healing’s or miracles, they served as signs to authenticate an era in which God was giving new revelation and people needed to listen. If Miracles superceded a supernatural event, then what could be more supernatural than being on the Threshold of the Second Coming of Christ, and in this day and age, all religions collectively seem to agree that we are on that very Doorstep.. Within any church I tend to strongly lean toward the solid foundations of the principles taught, rather than the doctrines. The clear distinction between the two, as I see it, are that principles are based upon an extraordinary collection of events of epic proportions, that when expressed in the most simplistic manner embrace our very soul within an undeniable grace and truth. Bear with me now in my uneducated bewilderment…Doctrines on the other hand seem to me to be based on personal opinions, beliefs and intrepretations. I’m not saying throw it all out the door, I’m just looking at it from a different perspective. Realistically then if principles are stories, its much easier to retain their authenticity, as we don’t need to write them down, as their colorful and vibrant nature remains alive within our thoughts. Rules and regulations on the other hand, leave us in a state of disinterest, as they need to be written down, I can only imagine that they were as confusing, as are our taxes of today, or our criminal codes, which every five to ten years are being amended, and this is exactly my point. Up to the days of the Flood and beyond everything had to be recorded, you just didn’t go to the local seven-eleven and buy a hundred notebooks,but even if you did, things happen. Don’t forget many of these people lived “hundreds”of years. Lets just imagine after transcribing notes for a hundred years, you take a break for about fifty years, and a fire breaks out, or you notice that a goat has eaten half your notes, enough to pull your hair out. Now you have to re-write it, and realistically each time you have to amend something, its never as good as the original version. Firstly momentarily lets put doctrines aside, I want to ask you something, and its very important to me.Imagine for forty years living inside a burning inferno, and within that inferno a constant barrage of spears stabbing your body, that made your very existence an insufferable journey, where your only means of escape, seemed to be found within the unacceptable regions of suicide… Where by the Grace of Jesus, you were delivered from that intolerable nightmare, and all the spears of discouragement and torment were removed, wouldn’t you from that very moment continuously raise your hands to the heaven’s above, and praise our Merciful God? In the house of the Lord, you bet, while the preacher is delivering divine truths of which I’m definitely a partaker of, I want to either be dancing in the ailse, or on my knees praising the Lord for His blessed Miracles in my life. You bet I want to make a joyful noise to the Lord, I want to stand up and sing along with the choir in complete adoration for I am covered by the Precious blood of the lamb, our Lord Jesus. Churches of a Charismatic or Apostolic nature are really no different than other churches that cherish the name of Jesus, We as Saints of God must stand and walk, and claim our promises to the glory of God… As a first time writer, I believe that I have written an extraordinary work of non-fiction, for I have truly lived an unimaginable life. There is nothing glamorous about this story, and I make no excuses, “No obstacle too great” invites you on a riveting roller coaster ride, as it’s a journey through a life that has been nothing short of a shattered and tormented existence, which in its wake of forty-six years, has transformed itself by the Grace of God, from the unimaginable, to the extraordinary. “I have faced many obstacles throughout my life,and none of it really mattered ! Not the twenty-five years of criminality, not the fourteen years I spent in prison, nor the thirty-five years of alcoholism, or the twelve years within narcotic drug addiction. All this in itself made my life very complicated, however to understand the true nature of unimpenetrable hardships, now add to the already incomprehensible horrors of my life, the devastating and incurable HIV infection, which on three seperate ocassions, having come out of remission, threatened to extinquish my life. None of this mattered more than trying to understand the Why, or more specifically What had for most of my life, left me colder than that iceberg that sank the Titanic .”

It has not only been through my writing, but more so within the struggles of positive changes, that in themselves can only be attributed to that of Divine Intervention. Within this journey I have faced and come to terms with my most paralyzing fears, unraveling the mysteries of my tormented life. However in order to truly understand the why, one must first fully explore the often painful, yet complicated paradoxes between our tormented yesterdays, and the struggles of today. As its within our past and present that we will find the answers to a more successful tomorrow. “The answers although brutal, haunting and complex, declare themselves in each chapter”

In life,if you find a road without obstacles,it probably doesn’t lead anywhere Everything about this book presently remains in its original form, as it was written by me in 2001. In 2004,I first self published my work through WindShift Press here in Canada. Although the reviews I recieved were in themselves powerful, without the proper promotion and exposure, the book sat collecting dust. After speaking at a local high school a few times, I re-wrote, or should I say I one finger typed No obstacle again, weaving my ten thousand word speech into its body. In 2006 I again self published through Rosedog Publishing in the States. Again as is true of our own lives, things are not as they appear to be.It definitely wasn’t by accident, chance or any preconceived plan that now in my fiftieth year, I found myself on the steps of the Emmanuel Pentecostal Church here in New Westminster, British Columbia, Canada. I remember this particular night very vividly in my mind, it was the beginning of November, and as was my nature, I had arrived early. There was a slight chill in the breezy coolness of the evening air; however the spine wrenching chills that now penetrated the depths of my soul, had absolutely nothing to do with the weather. Although I was still trying with difficulty to grasp the significance of divine intervention, and the role it’s unquestionably played within my life, I was about to jump my greatest hurdle and accept Jesus as my personal savior, and be baptized in His name.

As I nervously paced back and forth in a restless apprehension within the church’s inner courtyard, my thoughts frantically raced in many different directions, and everything for the moment seemed to be beyond my immediate comprehension. I was gripped within a combination of thoughts or were they in actuality revelations, that momentarily embraced me, not so much in fear, but more so in a reverent awe. Within an unknown familiarity, I had carefully been studying this historical church from many angles, and noticed that it had not only weathered many of its own storms throughout its colorful history, but within its determined persistency, resisted and overcome all of life’s obstacles. Suddenly any clarification I needed regarding the hardships of my life, and what it all meant, my answers now seemed to be found within the rustic nature of the church’s very appearance, where I saw my own persistent and determined character etched within its rugged beauty. It was within those brief precious seconds that I somehow grasped with conviction, that Christ all along knew the circumstances of my life.

As the church is now considering the possibility of re-publishing my book into its third life, the only exceptions have been made to the dedications, the introduction, and to the offensive language, which I had decided to omit from the text as well.

The writing of this book was in and of itself at times not only a very painful experience, but in the same breath, has become an invaluable journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening. My life as I’ve now come to understand it has played itself out within God’s molding process in four different stages, and the following story is but the tip of the iceberg. I am almost near completion of my second manuscript entittled ” In memory of an angel “, and well into my third work of non-fiction ” Leaves in the wind “, which are continuations to an already incredible life, however it is within these pages, and what lies beyond “No obstacle too great”, that truly gives God’s Majestic Grace its breathlessness.

In considering myself somewhat of a writer, especially in words of a non-fictional description, its then within this capacity that I now assume an even greater responsibility. For when in words of this very nature, I must be ever so careful in their structure, as they will in one form or another leave an impact upon people’s lives. The beauty within the truth and conviction of my shattered life will only be measured by the extent of its influential appreciation. Without having the benefit of a full education, nor ever having been schooled towards being a writer.I have, through my greatest internal struggles come to understand and accept the reality, that I have been entrusted by what can only in all its definitions be considered a gift, that is not of this world”. Even tougher was the understanding that this gift was not for my benefit, instead its purpose was to be a blessing to others.

The facts within my written testimony will undisputedly give evidence that God Himself directed the steps of my life, and is sitting mightily upon His Throne, and preparing for the return of our Blessed Savior Jesus Christ. As seen throughout the irrefutable written word, from the beginning of creation, regardless of the brutalities within oppressive dictatorships, or the catastrophes that have continually hammered each successive generation, or the acts of war, that have continually threatened, to weaken and stagger the progression of mankind. Regardless of the devastating addictions, or the incomprehensible illnesses that not only continue to cripple humanity daily, but within their path of destruction, disable entire communities, and threaten nations as a whole. “God has throughout the ages, within every generation, brought forward an abundance of prophetic voices from all nations. These are His chosen ambassadors, messengers elect, who within their own powerful testimonies, can, have and will continue to deliver His people from the suffocating bondages, unleashed by the enemy of all Righteousness.

In writing these words, I am fearful to place myself even within a consideration of such a privileged position, however when in reflection of my life, one can’t but help marvel at the extraordinary night and day differences, or the seemingly impossible positive transformations. Never within my sorrowful life was there anything that would substantiate my being a man of great wisdom, nor was there any indication that my life was destined for anything other than misery and suffering, as within its first forty years, it had certainly played itself out in the very pits of hell. Of my own resources I could never, ever have changed the course of my destructive life, although without unquestionable dispute, I am a living testimony to the fact that Our Lord God does in fact hear our cry of help, and it does not matter whether this plea was one of faith or unbelief, as the two walk hand in hand. As long as we allow ourselves to be molded by the Grace of the Holy Spirit, God will heal and restore all the broken pockets of our lives, to heights greater than their original state. My own perception of my very existence could be tragically summed up within the following metaphor;

“For a moment, try to imagine during the beginning stages of your life being abandoned in the middle of a raging sea, left alone without the benefit of even a life preserver. Each of my years had brought its own thundering wave crashing down upon me, threatening to shallow me in its darkest depth. With an unexplainable willpower, I battled each treacherous wave. In reaching its peak and briefly catching my breath, as I aimlessly drifted into the next unknown valley. I’m once again drawn into an unrestrained despair, longing for my life itself to cease, as on the horizon I see the next hideous wave approaching with a terrifying ferociousness. Through many years of painful reflection, I’ve come to understand with a clearer appreciation, that something far greater than anything within myself, had not only kept me afloat, but instilled within me a persistent and determined desire to rise above anything life had to offer. ”

From my earliest childhood within its innocent purity there was a sexual molestation, which left its filthy stain and torturously haunted the deepest corridors of my mind. There was insurmountable instability due in part to parental abandonment, as they pursued their own selfish wants and needs above those of their children, which ingrained within my personality, a deep rooted dysfunctional insecurity. At fifteen years old I began my thirty-five year battle with chronic alcoholism. One year later I embarked on a life of crime, prison survival and violence that spanned the next twenty years, of which fourteen were spent in various prisons. At thirty-years of age I became a narcotic drug addict as well, which I battled for the following twelve years. If such a life wasn’t in itself enough to drive you to the brink of insanity, buckle your seat belt as it gets worse. As a result of my addictions and unpredictable behaviors I was told I have the HIV infection, and that my life would be very short-lived. Twelve years have now passed since that devastating diagnosis, and as I am writing these very words, without any hesitancy, beyond a shadow of a doubt, or a murmur of uncertainty, I know that God Himself delivered me to Emmanuel Pentecostal church to be baptized in His name. Yes the reality clearly now exists within my mind, that my life, before its very conception, to this very moment in time, had been pre-orchestrated for a specific and meaningful purpose.” God within His glory is using the circumstances of my shattered and tormented life as a further means of restoring the blind to sight. ”

Something I wrote and believe in very much:

Moving mountains and walking on the water

Every addiction along with every negative behavior or influence in our lives, is a mountain, and when in sincerety and committment give that mountain to God, within each day of abstinence, the mountain takes a step away from us. Eventually it disapears from our sight, no longer having any signifigance in our lives, therefore we have just went from what was once a crippling impossibility, to a living reality, and just like peter we too now walk on the water…

The powerful transformations within God’s Majestic molding process began in 1997, my fortieth year. This was the year that my life had literally lost all its meaning, and it was while in serious thoughts of self extinction, that I had somehow for the first time found the courage to ask God for a miracle…It’s very strange that I would make such a request, for I had never within my life embraced a true faith or belief, and wasn’t sure if I was even capable of ever doing this, for there never within my life existed a hope that could have been extinguished. Almost from birth, my mind had been a continual habitation of demons, where the very powers, and principalities of darkness themselves have manipulated my life, like a puppet on a string. It has only been through deep reflection, while exploring the complicated and entwined paradoxes that made up my life, between the issues of right and wrong, to distinguishing reality from the painted illusions I had created within this complex puzzle which represented my mind, that the evidence clearly now in my mind manifests itself. Christ within the helplessness of my circumstances had patiently carried me, and it did not matter whether it was in faith or unbelief, He was waiting for my cry of help, which would “ignite that unknown spark of hope with a fierce and persistent determination.”

In the bible, the book of Ezekiel, chapter thirty-seven tells about a valley full of dry bones, where God himself asks Ezekiel if he believes, whether He, Lord God can bring these bones back to life. Our very own lives, whether viewed through the hardships of our circumstances, or those suffocating nooses of crippling addictions and devastating illnesses, represent that very same valley of dry bones. The questions we must often find ourselves in need of an answer are; can our faith allow us to believe that God can restore our dry bones back to life? Where does this faith come from, and how does one get it! Rest assured, entertaining the reality of God within your life, is not an exercise of futility! How can I be sure of this? From that very moment ten years ago, in my brokenness and unbelief, when I called upon the Lord, God has miraculously blessed my life many times, while continuously tapping me on the shoulder trying to capture my attention, and until a year ago, I didn’t even know it.

As with anything in this life, nothing comes easy, to be successful there is a progression of events within that process, and this as well includes entering the kingdom of Heaven. As my words come from a heart that was once encrusted within layers of hardened callousness, I empathetically understand that it’s easier said than done, when I ask you to believe that not only is faith in itself is a powerful gift of transforming grace, but that within us there exists an awesome God, who can and will restore the shattered pieces of our lives. It’s never easy, always remember that even for those that profess a long fellowship in Christ, have a hard time with faith. Having been at the end of my rope many times throughout my life, I’m very familiar within the concept from an unbeliever’s perspective, or those struggling with unpredictable addictions, and incomprehensible illnesses, to that person who for the first time enters a church, never having known the Lord. It’s almost second nature, and certainly within thier world of dysfunctional familiarity, it’s much easier for them to readily accept the harshness of their existence as fate, or just the way the cards of life were dealt to them, rather than trying to grasp the immeasurable reality of God. However as long as you continue to hang on to this delusional thinking, you will never have anything greater than surviving yet another day, as your life continues within it’s daily grind of disparity and hopelessness.

Faith in it’s most simplistic nature has always been within our grasp, and the key to unlocking its mystery lies in these very words. ” In order to have a faith you first must have a belief, to have a belief there must be an acknowledgement of a higher power, a super natural force greater than yourself, which has been guiding the very steps of your life! Our most painful journey, and I just can’t stress it enough will be that one of internal reflection, especially more so in terms of a destructive life, as it’s there that the very foundations of change or growth of any kind must first begin. Sometimes it sounds as though the preacher is trying to sell us an elusive treasure map, which is definitely not the case. It’s only when you look deep within yourself, you’ll not only come to understand that all those night and day differences within your life are the map, and that you within their definitions, are the immeasurable treasure. Once fully explored, the possibilities of the unknown will be awakened, and you to will begin to realize the unlimited realities within the world of the impossible.It’s there that you’ll begin to find that undeniable faith.

As a result of my testimony, should you recieve the benefit of insightfullness, that would in itself alter the course of your life, especially if it were of a destructive nature, or if you recieve any hope, and encouragement, as to overcoming the hardships of addictions, circumstances, or coping with an unsufferable illness,”don’t thank me, for this book and the ones to follow were never about me, give praise to God above. I believe with a firm conviction that my writing, is a gift from God, which could be His way of taking the sting out of my own sufferings.

Throughout my life all the signs of Divine Intervention had always been present, from crippling addictions, to the night and day differences of positive changes. Amidst it all, I walked within the shadows of death itself, where failure almost always appeared as a welcomed luxury, as I continually wrestled with the incurable, yet devastating hardship of the HIV infection, which threatened on many fronts to extinguish my very life. Whether I was in search of this faith, or inadvertently running away from it, ten long years passed before I was to grasp the significance, and very reverence of divine intervention, and the role it’s played in my life. This supernatural, yet mystical force that in its Supremacy, as I’ve now come to understand and accept it, is God on the Throne, had not abandoned me, but instead embraced me within His merciful tenderness, and continued within His graceful beauty, to transform a life that was all but lost…

Dedications;

I now know that throughout my severest trials, and the greatest storms of my weathered life, it was God alone who had within those storms, been my life preserver. If only we could truly see and envision that those night and differences throughout our lives, could in fact be those cross-roads within their own mythical nature, where our physical world and the spiritual one meet. It’s within this interpretation, that this book is dedicated to the Everlasting Glory of God…

I wish to extend prayers of deep and eternal gratitude to my best friend Bonnie Wilson, whom by the grace of God has been one of the greatest night and day, differences in my life. Without her influential encouragement and spiritual guidance, I would still be walking about aimlessly lost. Her unwavering loyalty of friendship, gives this word within her graceful elegance, a divine definition all of its own. She has truly left an everlasting trail of footprints, engraved deep within my heart…At times it seemed like she had called in her own personal excavation crew, as together we sat within countless hours, while in reflection of my weathered life, and searched the very depths of my tortured soul. I’ m not sure how it happened, but she had melted the coldness that for so long had imprisoned my heart, and once she had peeled away all the calloused layers, mystically like on the wings of a dove while at the altar with me, gave it to God. If there were no tomorrow, I would want her to always know that I consider her friendship, after our Lord Jesus, the greatest gift of my life.

Also a great thanks to Pastor David Jobson, for he had made it perfectly clear to me that within any church, membership was never meant to be, nor should it ever be, a prerequisite in the path of baptism. His passion alone was in my desire to be baptized in the name of Jesus. Ministries around the world should grasp the significance within these words of wisdom.” Anyone whose heart has finally opened, expressing a desire for baptism, which may in and of itself have arose from within, but a moment of Divine Revelation. Therefore God’s servants should clearly understand the importance and careful attention now necessary which is greatly dependant upon their unwavering faithfulness. For it’s within this leap of faith that any hesitation, unwillingness, or the slightest inattention and neglect within the significance of baptism, will all weigh heavily on the balancing scale towards a successful conversion.”

My deepest appreciation and respect is given to the widely recognized Pastor Paul Reynolds, Bishop of the Emmanuel Pentecostal Church, here in British Columbia, Canada. It was in listening to his message.” It’s the second birth that counts” that for the first time in forty years, I was truly able to grasp the uniqueness of forgiveness, which made all my bitterness and resentments completely insignificant. Within their own instrumental sphere of patience, wisdom and spiritual enrichment, these Saints of God entered my life in what can only be described as a welcomed sweet smelling gentle mist, as their presence continues to embrace the depths of my very soul.

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